I swear to Bob

Burp, excuse me I was trying to think and then the burp happened and I thought I would share it with you. What… don’t roll your eyes at me, I said excuse me. That’s right take your mean muggin’ else where.

So the other day my BS meter was full. I had exceeded my annual quota for the year and lucky for me it has occurred very close to the end of the year. I know to set it just a bit higher for next year with an annual increase.

The formula I use is take the number of lies I know people told me, times that by .25 because I’m sure I bought a few that were plausible and gave people the benefit of the doubt. Then take 20 percent of that number and add to it the increase percent of inflation, population growth and the number of years without a raise. This gives me a pretty fair guess about how much I’ll be lied to in the year. Then I set my expectations accordingly.

This is helpful because it keeps me from saying to people with whom I’m speaking really you are going to sell me that story. I don’t even know you and could come up with a story that is more plausible than that crap.

Which, if I did go ballistic on someone I could loose my job and that would be a bad thing.

But the other day the person was telling me a whooper and I said well you know I just don’t believe what you are telling me. They looked at me like well why not and then started the story over. I said at the end of the second verse same as the first, that is what you just told me, I still don’t believe that is true. The person wasn’t sure what to do then but start the same story again for the third time. With no new details or even a change of words. Even when telling the truth you’ll change it up a little but the main facts are consistent.

Now I’m not a human lie detector and I don’t think polygraphs are anything more than a way to measure someone’s discomfort with saying certain things. Certainly some people are uncomfortable telling a lie, but some people are not even a little uncomfortable with a lie.

Hook most women up to the machine and have them say the word Moist and you’ll get a detection for a lie, ask a little kid if they believe in Santa and you’ll see a truthful statement.

And there is one of the things about polygraphs that make them useless as truth or lie detectors. If you believe what you are saying is the truth and you aren’t nervous about being locked in a room with a detective or agent then you’ll pass.

But if you are an introvert, have some social anxiety issues, you might have the person thinking you are lying about your own name even with 20 people saying yes that is that person. Well the machine says it’s not. Sorry the computer says, “No”.

The thing is without any physical evidence you simply do not know what a person is telling is true. Not even if they tell you it is true, even when the information is damaging to the persons reputation, because you don’t know maybe the person wants to be disreputable.

You can certainly guess that things are true or not and little pieces of evidence help to support your guess one way or the other.

In other news,

My eyes hurt and I need coffee.

Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

More reasons to love my job

Every job you have will have, has its ups and its downs

The quirky little things that make it uniquely interesting

One of the things is lying, or trying to tell a version of the truth with the least incriminating facts about the teller in the story, which we talked about yesterday.

Today’s topic is that sometimes there are bugs in my job and I am not an exterminator. From the great big buggies like OMG I didn’t think that many roaches could be in one place.

To the ugh I freaking itch all over my body the second after someone informs you that a person you have been in contact with has a body mite of some sort or other.

There are several kinds out there too.

I know isn’t that neat.

And by neat I mean FML WTF they don’t pay me enough to deal with the heebee geebees that you get when ever you think about it. I’m sure its just a random itch, it is winterish the air is drier, means your skin gets drier meaning you itch more.

Then the back of you mind says MITES

SHUDDER

Hot shower and wash everything you’ve touched time.

Now I shouldn’t have been involved in this situation but a coworker says hey inviso boy help me out here

Ok because I’m helpful and stuff

Tell him what he’s won Chuck

Ok Alex, you have now been exposed to the contamination du jour. YAY! streamer and confetti time APPLAUSE



In all fairness the coworker didn’t know about the contamination and we are all not infected but still suffering from the PTSD symptoms of the event. I have scratched a raw spot on my wrist from the psychological freak outs but will be fine soon I’m sure. Well fine for me.

And compared to another person I was talking with today who shared that one day last week she was puked on, peed on and got a traffic ticket all in the same day.

Yay! I’m not sure who wins here me for not having the worst day since yesterday or her for having a trifecta of maladies.

Win or loose I really did feel bad that all that happened to her and even if they were only one a day and not all together it still would have been a close call to win or loose.

Being barfed on is no fun and that is just a fact.

Being peed on is certainly as bad and I’m not really sure which is worse. At least pee is sterile but still shudder and yuck and toss in a gross and I’m sure if its not your pee or your kids you may want to vomit. Ok being peed on is worse.

Then getting a ticket too even after you tell the ossifer that you’ve been peed on and barfed on…. but you know what, now that I think about it that probably is something they hear every weekend.

However I’m sure most of the people telling that story to the officer (spelled wrong earlier on purpose) were also the people who peed and barfed on themselves. So yeah I sort see why that wouldn’t win any points, it isn’t even remotely original.

In other news

I had to surrender my man card today. Well I didn’t have to but I did. I’m not going to talk about it right now because one I did it voluntarily and two because I had a plan which didn’t work as planned, like most plans but still I wasn’t a chicken shit and attempted the plan. So you know how about a little something for the effort.

Now in fairness to me keeping my dignity I did try to execute said plan but it failed. Also in fairness I’m certainly not in any kind of practice with this sort of thing and it was the first time I tried to execute a plan in almost 8 months so there is that too.

But I have set in motion a plan which may work in my getting my man card back from the authorities. Which they should have someone else’s man card hanging on the same push pin but I will deal with this or I won’t because even without a card I can not wallow, yeah none of that stuff before this is wallowing right? Right.

In other good news

I get to play a lot of my favorite game this weekend. No not the video games, the beat myself up emotionally then build me back up again so I can beat myself down again sort of weekend. Should be fun and I’m looking forward to it. Hooray. Not hooray


Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

I love my job

I love my job. One of the things I love the most about it is the stories I hear on a daily basis. By stories I mean, creative versions of the facts surrounding an incident or situation. In other words people lie to me but not your normal lies, you know like… no that looks fabulous on you or I love you or it’s not you, it’s me.

Nope the lies I get are either really creative or not at all creative.

On the creative lies I think WOW, that is a really good story I may have to remember that one and the non creative ones I’m thinking oh come on aren’t you even going to try to put any effort into this at all?

Now I do try to remain un jaded and not think that everything people tell me is an out and out lie. But believe me the, I know you’re lying to me because your lips are moving joke isn’t a joke some days.

As to the creative stories I sometimes think do they wonder if I believe what they are telling me or do they know that I pretty much know that everything they are saying isn’t even remotely true. Hell the truth isn’t even in the same time zone as what they are selling.

Any sentence that starts with …Well that’s because… is most likely not going to be followed by a completely true statement.

Really the truth is like a spice that they add to the story to give it just enough credit to make you want to listen to more.

Some times I think you know it might save a lot of time if I just say, let me stop you there, now let’s back up and go from the beginning with more truth and less fiction. Ok ready …go…, Well that’s because… Ok try again … Well the truth is… not going to be following that lead into a story

Then there comes that point in the conversation when you have to delicately tell them you don’t believe anything that they have told you.

I just say well there are two versions of the story or more and there is no way for me to really know what has happened because I wasn’t there when it happened. What I do know is this and I have to do this so what we are going to do now is this, fill in the blanks with what ever I’m asking them to do

It seems to work and I think that many of them really think that I have bought their line because they will stick to it through out the course of time I have to work with them.


In other news

There is a new GI Joe movie. The trailer looks pretty good and I know the first one wasn’t the best movie ever but it was good enough to see on the big screen.

Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

Merry Happy Whatever Day

The holiday season is upon us and I’m having a hard time getting into the holiday season. I think part of it is that around this time of year there really are not any traditions that go along with the holiday. Well I did have one tradition and I am going to carry on with it which is the writing of letters to Santa from me to my kids. However they are both now at an age where they no longer believe and it has removed part of what I loved in doing that for them.

That magic may exist, an innocence that no matter what anything in the world is possible that reindeer can fly and that a portly elf has a magic bag that can hold enough prizes for everyone in the world, and there is a legendary fortress existed where few dare to live where toys of every shape and size were made.

Awesome little thought, sadly we all let that thought go. The really sad part isn’t that kids put away the notion of the elf and the reindeer. Many also loose the part that anything in the world is possible. Now it may not be magic that makes it possible but why can’t that be true.

I suppose it is for some people the real true believers, not in myth and legend but the believers in themselves. I can do it. They usually have a few people around them that say you can do it too. Or they are fueled by the haters who are saying no you can’t, and do it to say YES I CAN.

I think the thing that is keeping me out of the holiday spirit is the money thing, if nothing else 2011 as a year has shown the MONEY is the true religion in this world especially in the US. Sorry to get up on a soap box here but really it has taken over every part of our lives.

Most of the bills I pay are payments to banks I’m sure most of your bills are to banks as well. And if you consider that mortgage lenders are banks that specifically deal with one type of banking the loaning of money for property then apart from utilities and groceries all my money goes to banks.

The whole thing just consumes my joy and I think part it is that this is the high holy holiday for the god of money

The holiday is further driven apart by intolerance, one group so focused that the day isn’t recognized for the prescribed meaning. Which it isn’t really what the true purpose of this holiday was made up to do. And in that line of thought perhaps how we celebrate it by bowing down to corporate greed we are doing exactly what was intended. Which is to submit to the will of those above us. In case you lost me in my lack of being clear. The Church, and that would be Christianity decided that that pagans, any non Christian were still holding on to too many celebrations involving the winter solstice.

So it is decided that the Christian calendar would celebrate the birth of Jesus at the same time taking away the need for the pagan holiday. Because the census mentioned in the birth of Jesus story happened in the summer so in all likelihood Jesus was born in late August or early September not December. Problem there is the autumnal equinox is not a big deal and people were too busy with the harvest to celebrate too much and it what they did was mainly drink a lot once the harvest was pulled from the fields and stored for the winter. Then there is the preparing of the foods so they will last the months to come so every one is still too busy until winter when if you don’t have it done by now well it is too late phuck it lets celebrate a good year and hope for a better one to come.

Work and a better year to come by doing better work and perhaps smarter work is the true meaning of the holiday not the birth of anyone.

On the other side of it the intolerance of those who aren’t in the one group being offended by the other groups holiday and the sayings. When in Rome do as the Romans do. The US is a predominately Christian nation. The Christians celebrate Christmas, hell there name is in the holiday, made up or not it is there way of celebrating. Let them and if someone says Merry Christmas and you don’t subscribe to that being a real holiday so what. Let them say it and then say Happy Chanukah back to them, or Happy Kwanza or happy holidays, Happy Festivus or have a Cool Yule or just say thanks.

Now Christian doesn’t get attitude when those who are different than you fire back their holiday sayings …it’s about Tolerance. Not everyone thinks the same and it is a good thing we are not Borg, I’m not really a Trekie but it fits with a single thinking race, one thought for all. The thing is when some one says happy holidays or some other saying which is not merry Christmas lots of people get all bent and are like WTF OMG what a load of crap they we can’t have it our way. Dontcha know this is about the birth of Geebus goddabbit. Firetruck and stuff.

Take a deep breath because one, it isn’t and second it’s ok if people are different. And if your political governing body has a holiday festival and to be all inclusive of all people regardless of their faith and doesn’t call it a Christmas Festival its because they are political and not religious. Let your church have its own Christmas thing and then you know what because it’s a church the political people and everyone else can’t say you can’t call it that. Because you can, and you can say merry Christmas until your lips fall off.

Point is that we have to be more tolerant of each other and the counter argument to this is that if your political body has a festival this time of year and calls it a Christmas Festival and you aren’t Christian, like me, you can one not go, two except that this is Rome and the Romans will do as they please, or three have your own holiday function even if that holiday function is to do nothing. Now you may want to vomit every time you walk out the door or turn on any mass media thing but hey it’s the holidays if nothing else you get a day or two off from work. But don’t be the same hater that you hate and for the same reason of intolerance.

In other super happy fun time news my stupid dog howls all wolf like when the fire engines play their sirens like the fire trucks are part of a pack that she needs to communicate with. Being that I live very near a fire station it happens a lot. I don’t mind that she does this because I know that wolves are not going to show up on my door step, I worry that my neighbors might because she bays really loudly. They haven’t yet but if they do, I might just say well she’s a wolf what do expect, she isn’t nearly big enough to be a wolf and looks a little special and by special I mean a bit slow in the thought processing area, but she is pretty.



Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,




PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

They do it all the time

I wonder some times why it is that I find myself in the particular situation I am in currently. Then I’m reminded that some of my choices certainly contribute to the current state of affairs. I am sorry I can not be clearer than that because it isn’t entirely my right to discuss such things.

So Bruce and I sit around and discuss these things and I really don’t want to be there with Bruce because nothing ever changes and the stories are all told before.

Today was muthersday, that day of the month when you pay all the muther fuckers you owe money too. I don’t particularly like this day of the month. In fact I really hate this day of the month. Because I am reminded that as much as I want to change the afore mentioned situation the muthersday cards I have to send out bimonthly really prevent any real change. Or at least not in any meaningful way until I am completely invisible then of course it won’t matter at all.

I could stop sending my muthersday cards which I know a good many people who have done this and you know what they aren’t any worse off, nothing happens to them. Nothing, they don’t loose their jobs, they don’t loose their friends, they keep most of their things. Nothing changes in their lives. And it’s not just those who stop sending in their muthersday cards. But its also all the muther fuckers who just don’t give a fire truck about those people sending in all the muthersday cards and will be like you know because this other jack off didn’t send in their muthersday card you’ll have to give us more in your next muthersday card. Which really makes me not like all the muthers and the muthers who are not sending in their cards too.

I am not sure which group I don’t like more, it really is a toss up. Because the non card senders are really just doing exactly what all the muthers are doing, just not as creatively.


In other super happy fun time news.

There isn’t any super happy fun time news the muthers took all my fun today.

Maybe I’ll have some tomorrow.

Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,




PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

Wanna buy a goat?

So the last few weeks and months I’ve noticed the join us for don’t buy gasoline day on what ever day it is of the week month. Today was one of those days.

I didn’t buy gas but not because I was in support of the whole don’t buy gas day thing but I did notice a bunch of people who were so I’m going to call it a fail.

I also noticed that I wasn’t alone on the roads today either so people were using fuel too.


The thing is the hippy part of me really supports this sort of thing, you know damn the man, damn the man and hell no we won’t go. However a one day don’t buy gas thing isn’t going to make a bit of difference and the only way that a one day don’t buy will make a difference is if every car in the US was parked and didn’t buy a drop of fuel.

The likelihood of that is slim to none and slim is out of town.

The industry probably needs an overhaul and we need to stop being stupid as consumers. Really does your car really run all that much better on higher grade fuel? Not that you think it does, really test the miles per gallon driven. I’m going to say it isn’t a difference that is significant enough to warrant the expense it costs to make 3 or 4 different grades of fuel.

Stop buying all but one grade of fuel forever, not just for a day, for always. They will stop making it at some point if the stations don’t need it because their tanks are full of it and can’t buy any more from the makers. Big oil still isn’t hurt yet because consumption is still the same but you may cause a little change in the price… some. Maybe.

The only way big oil gets hurt is if consumption really goes down.

Carpool not just to work but to the store, movies etc. few vehicles moving equal fewer gallons burned.

Ride a bike, walk, use public transportation if it available.

Get a community goat. I was out in the yard the other day thinking about an article I had read that there are some goat farmers who rent out their herd for the up keep of lands. The goats go out there eat the fields down and the farmer makes money and doesn’t have as much of a feed cost for the goats.

But that doesn’t really work for everyone. Mainly because their just isn’t enough yard to feed a bunch of goats and really not enough to feed a goat for very long. But if a block had a goat or two, then there would be enough grass and more people would be happy. Hell you might even be able to make a little feta cheese too or some yogurt.

So if the twenty houses or so on my block all stopped buying fuel for lawn mowers that would not be noticed but if twenty thousand homes all stopped buying fuel for lawn mowers that would be noticed and the flowers that weren’t eaten by the goats might even be prettier because they would have some free fertilizer

I don’t use power tools for my yard work. Every year a few more people ask me how I like using it and if it is all that hard to use. My answer is as long as you keep up with the mowing it’s pretty easy if you let it go too long then it’s harder.

I still hear a lot of people mowing when I’m mowing but maybe one day all I’ll hear is the baabahahah of all the neighborhood goats.

In other news

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow…I’m not sure and today was very busy.

Litter box thought

Stunt boys day to do the chore

That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,



Listening to: Something stuntboy is watching on Nick

Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

5...4...3...2... Score not five seconds... what do you mean that's gross

Watching the news this morning there was a story about a child with a peanut allergy so severe that several things had to happen.

One no peanut products could be in the class room, but student could eat them during the day if they wanted.

Two all students in her class had to wash their hand several times a day.

Three all students in her class had to rinse their mouths out after eating.

Well at first it does seem like a lot of trouble for just one kid but after just a little bit of thought it seems like a good idea. Not just a good idea but a freaking brilliant idea.

If you have kids or have ever watched them they are nasty little creatures who will pick up anything and then go right to their mouths with the hand that picked up a critter on the playground. Yum. Also don’t think I’m picking on your kids, mine were dirty when they were little too.

Kids are fond of the saying “god made dirt and dirt don’t hurt” right before eating something that has dirt on it or just had dirt on it.

Said dirt got there when the kid dropped the thing and then picked it up and then ate it. You don’t hear many adults saying 5 second rule if food hits the floor, ground, pile of garbage and then thing you know that’s a legit thing I can eat now. There are still some adults who do it but it’s mainly kids.

Face it kids are dirty and it’s ok but they should probably wash their hands a few times a day.

You have to remind them to flush at home do you think without supervision they are washing their wee little hands after that pee break. We won’t get into all the reasons why that is especially gross and nasty.

Kids stick their little fingers everywhere it is part of being a kid. It is not wrong but it is dirty and that’s ok.

Second the human mouth is a breeding ground for nastiness. If you knew all the stuff in there you wouldn’t want to eat with it let alone all the other stuff we do with our mouths.

However kids tend to spray it while they say it and if you just a has a PB and J and you spit a little peanut gunk on the kid and she gets sick that’s bad.

However, peanut butter and most of the other crap any kid shovels into their mouth is full of sugar and stuff gets stuck in their teeth and they don’t floss. Hell most adults don’t floss or brush their teeth all that much. I see it. (Cringe)

So if kids have to wash their hands a few more times and rinse some of the junk out of their mouths after they eat to keep another kid healthy and in the process develop good habits of washing their hands and brushing their teeth. It’s a win, win.

But no the parents of all the other children are bitching about this and saying that the kid with the peanut allergy should be booted out of school. This should be the WTF entry but I didn’t want to wait a week to rant about that stupidity.

I would bet a nickel that the kids in these class rooms have fewer missed days and fewer dental health issues and cavities compared to the kids in the other classrooms of the school. Which may have been covered in the story but I didn’t see the whole thing.

In other news

I’m relaxing … ok I’m trying to relax and meditating on patience

Litter box thought of the day

I don’t like hanging out with most other vegetarians because many of us are a bit judgey

And I’m being a bit judgey about them being judgey

That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow, well probably not as it is former smoking buddy’s b-day celebration

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,



Listening to: The Violent Femmes

Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

Female dogs and garden tools

So for many a reason this did not get written last night so I’m writing it now. I have a lot of rather odd conversations or perhaps only a bit strange. Now I’m not sure exactly if this is because I have a lot of odd friends or that I’m the one that is the can on the slightly dented shelf.

Being that I’ve heard the statement, ‘you’re not right’, more times than I’ve said it I have a suspicion, an inkling even that I may be the one who has colored out side the lines a little bit or used the neon colored crayons to color in a nature scene.

Anyway this is probably too much build up and then it will not seem all that off to anyone by the time you reach the end of this.

By now I’m sure you’ve read Female dogs and Garden tools as the title and you are thinking WTF or scratching your head as you must often think or do when you read the titles. I must assert here that I have the utmost respect for women but the title means bitches and ho’s.

What you respect women? Anyone who says bitches and ho’s certainly doesn’t respect women at all. I do, now I’ll admit there are a few of the women folk who I don’t like very much at all, who shall remain nameless here because they actually have names and I don’t want you to hold any ill will toward them because I don’t care for them that’s a matter of choice on your part.

However, I do enjoy people watching and making over generalizations about the things. Why? Well frankly because they are humorous or they at least make me smile and laugh and if one other person does as well, to quote Carlos Estevez, I’m winning!

Something I have noticed is that we boys and girls enter into all sorts of relationships with one another and inevitably most of them end at some point. Now in the true spirit of over generalization they just don’t end, they end badly, with hurt feelings and unkind words like bitches and ho’s… you need to say it really fast and smunch it together when you say it too. That gives it the full effect. Faster. Faster than fast. You’ll get there.

Moving on, like you should do at the end of a relationship, well that’s what you are supposed to do but many of us cling to that dead relationship like an overzealous paramedic. We can bring it back…you can’t stop the CPR and move on.

Now you are probably thinking I’m going to jump into the dissection of some failed relationship of my own. Nope, not even.

We, the friends of those people in the relationships, the innocent or not so innocent bystanders, to the train wrecks which are not our own failed relationships. We also get to experience some of the same awkwardness of the demise of these relationships too. Especially if you still spend time with one or both of the people.

As the title suggests I’ve noticed some things that women do in all of this.

One, why is it that every guy you’ve ever broken up with all of a sudden develops homosexual tendencies?

Seriously, we all don’t go through a gay phase every time we end a relationship. If that were true gay men would trying to get women to dump their guys all the time…Wait a minute… do you gay guys believe this stuff too? (Shakes head)

I’ll say this once and clearly in plain words which are easily understood. We don’t go through a gay phase.

Now if you are currently in a relationship and you start to notice this behavior from your wife, girlfriend, FwB in the form of questioning your desire to lay with someone of the same gender. You should look for the guy with the sammich board sign saying the end is nigh because it is and you won’t be in this relationship for a lot longer. Now you may think that being all manlier will save you from the end. It won’t it will just make it worse. They will just say he’s covering.

I’m confused here because didn’t you used to do the horizontal mambo with this guy? Isn’t that testament enough that the going gay thing isn’t at all true, hell Kelsey’s ex is doing it on Stern too. However if every guy you’ve dated suddenly goes gay after dating you, doesn’t that say more about your ability to pick a straight guy than the guys going gay? Just a thought.

Two. If…when … you eventually run into guy you friend has dated and if you are still friends with the girl. This is like EOD duty, Explosive Ordinance Disposal (bomb squad). Have you seen the film, The Hurt Locker?

Welcome to your own personal car bomb scenario. This is likely to get flagged by the NSA now. Anyway Hi guys/gals, oh and thanks you do a great job. I mean it you’re awesome. Stay around and read for a bit.

Back to the program and moving on. You will at some point run into a guy your friend or friends have dated at some point.

Now you have to remember did they break up well or were there really bad feelings afterward. Now key in this too is to ask what did your friend really do at the end of the relationship and be honest. Don’t paint the I like my friend and all men are pigs picture. The picture of you need is the one you have when you are talking bad about this friend with your other girlfriends. There you go, now you are prepared because this is sort of how the person you are about to talk to sees your friend too.

Now if your friend was running around like a …well...there is no gentle way to put this… a ho then it’s best to keep this conversation ASAP…As Short As Possible and get the hell out clear an area because this is not something you can disarm anything and you’ll just be collateral damage in this one.

However if you can’t escape, remember this person knows all the bad stuff about your friend as well as the good stuff. Your job now is to avoid the body bag for you and as many others as possible.

So he will say, something seemingly innocuous and may not be all that bad or necessarily untrue. Now if you agree and say something that you know is true about your friend that isn’t really flattering or nice but true, well you’ve just armed and mailed a bomb to your friend and one to yourself.

Because now he is going to tell your friend that information and that you agreed with him. BOOM.

Then your friend is going to come to you and hand deliver your letter to you. BOOM.

However for argument sake when your friend was running around cheating on said guy and you knew this, because we all now you knew, why not stop it then. Don’t tell the guy because we won’t believe you and we are stupid and will just tell your friend, the guy’s girlfriend, that you said she is a ho. BOOM.

Now I could say just stop your friends from being ho’s to begin with. There is always at least one accomplice on some level to every one of your girlfriends who have cheated on their men. Before you start sending the hate mail, remember I like to over generalize because it makes for funnier stories.

On the other side, I’ll admit that there are a lot of tool bag guys out there who don’t deserve the women they are with but isn’t better to just get then out of that relationship then you don’t have a Hurt Locker moment in the middle of the Piggly Wiggly

You’re best arsenal here is to defuse the bomb with nice things you know that the guy will agree with about your friend. So if your friend and the guy have children together this is a great thing to talk about with him and then you’ll avoid the explosion. Mostly, however it’s better to steer clear of any topic connected to your friend altogether.

Then there is the truth finding guy. Mainly these guys are just looking for closure and a way to move on, but we as men are not really equipped to do this and if we try to do this with our guy friend they start thinking we are growing a bit too fond of musical theatre and the color pink too. Hey I never said we weren’t dipshits and morons.

However, why is it when these questions get asked when the truth is out there and you know it, why not just tell the truth? Like for example, this guy will ask, is she dating someone? He knows the answer or at least he thinks he does, so he is just looking for conformation and not a means of getting ammo to use against them. Well mainly there are those toolbags out there. Now I’m not saying clearing the air about all your friends dirty laundry but hell what’s the harm in a little truth? Yeah, it really is better to lie. No what the hell am I saying. Just get the truth out there and if your friend brings the guilt trip to your door just tell her to deal with it.

Then you all will always say, I don’t know. When you know for sure and details too. Sometimes many more details than you want. Because lets face it some of you over share about some stuff. Guys it’s never a good thing when they over share either because it goes both ways, they over share about the good stuff and the bad stuff. Yeah they know about that time you … well you know that time. The guy dating that girl probably knows about it too. But do we go running off and telling everyone what we know. Nope we keep it to ourselves because we are better people …I can’t say it with a straight face… we just aren’t smart enough to figure out how to use it to our advantage. Well most of the time.

Me however, I like keeping the information to myself. It makes the people watching that much more interesting. Again, unless it’s about me and then an appropriate amount of bourbon later anyone can find out stuff about me.

In other news.

Seriously what do you do after you leap? I’ve been advised to sit on my hands and pull from my military background and practice the age old technique of hurry up and wait.

I’ve had lots of practice with this so, this is me waiting.

You know there isn’t anything much worse than just waiting. I’d have to compare it to hey this pie will launch into your face at any time. You have to keep your face right there in front of it. If you move at all you lose.

Shower thought of the day… We can make the economy better.

Litter box thought of the day… wow not a lot of production

That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

my nose is cold

JM Barrie was brilliant the croc is coming, coming, coming unrelenting in its methodical march after it’s prey. We all have a croc, there are days when it feels so close TICK TOCK TICK TOCK it’s maddening.

Then there are others when it is far away not even thought of at all. There will be a time when it’s always there ticking away.

The question is that when that time comes will it be a welcoming metronome or a deafening beckoner.

The croc was close today and has finally submerged but I see the swirls near enough to the surface that it’s not far removed.

In happier news stupid day is a week away …so yay for that

Today was Muthers day… giving money to all the muthers you owe. Their cards are in the mail they should be happy until next muthers day. If you aren’t following M O mother are the ones that love you because share genetic material or a legal bond made by choice.

M U muthers are people who love you when you give them money then it only lasts for about 30 day and they want more love from you which is money then they love you just a bit back which isn’t giving you money.

Most of my muthers tend to be banks and I don’t like those muthers. I even write special messages to these muthers like, greedy corporate scum, or robbing thieves, evil lying nasties, or over prices mediocre service provider, price gouging corporate thieves or some other endearing term to let them know I do care for them as much as they care for me.

If you have suggests let me know I may use them. Two rules, 1. they have to fit in a memo line of a check, 2. No swear words

Feel free to borrow any of my phrase to send on your next batch of muther’s day cards or at they like to call them payment coupons. I thought coupons were supposed to be good for you and save you money. These don’t. death by semantics … YAY!


That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,



Listening to: electronic hum of my computer

Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

It's going tobe ... wait for it...

I’ve put off writing this because it’s sort of just like the thing I’m saying.

However I’m going to say it, write it, … you get the point, I think … I’m unclear at times.

I write mainly to get things out of my head, then secondly that hopefully someone else reads all of this and likes it. So with that in mind…

Why are artists such pretentious asses? I’m mean seriously you do something completely open to what the beholder sees not your grand vision.

It is my belief that the most moving art, poetry, photographs, et al is seen by so few and maybe only by the creator of the art and then it’s either destroyed, lost, or just never shown ever.

But people who call themselves artists … not all but many … just seem to have their noses so far in the air that they turn off the world which they wish to change.

Changing the world is no simple task. … yet if someone makes a critical remark about a pretentious artist work … they flurry insults to the person’s intelligence, humanity, ability to see what is being done…really?

It’s a soup can or it’s just a piece of jewelry in a jar of fluid, it’s dung dried and carved / shaped into something.

Take the latter, if you sculpt a bust of some holy figure and your medium is dung… is it the fault of the audience if they can’t see past the dung and appreciate the sculpture.

It may be the exquisite and detailed but it’s still dung … you can only change so much so fast.

And if the audience doesn’t see what you’ve done … are you speaking with clarity in the way you choose to speak. It may not do any good to yell and insult those who don’t see or even ridicule… mostly you’ll loose them and further convince them what they think … mostly that is the person yelling is an ass… and usually a pretentious ass at that.

I don’t consider myself much of anything, a person on a journey, and I see things. Maybe you see the things I see, maybe you don’t, perhaps you could. I write to get the things out of my head, to preserve things I think, so I can reflect back on them and grow in how I see and hear the world. You may not see, hear, or think the way I do or perhaps you do…if you don’t that’s ok

It’s ok if you do too… but I understand if you don’t want to share that bit of information. I’m a little off the beaten path but I’m not in the jungle.

In other news…

Stuntboy is a camp

Doodle is / was shopping

It’s the Other One’s birthday

That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Busy weekend... may i have another

Perhaps a bit distracting to start with a logo

Busy weekend but a good one

Friday p.m. was entertaining three kids which really started with dodge ball on Thursday but that isn’t a weekend day.

Saturday

Then up very early on Saturday for a PTA dodge ball tournament which went on longer than most of us thought it would but it was a good time. The dodge ball oneders placed second over all.

Saturday early p.m. - such a beautiful afternoon which I spend outside cleaning up my yard from the supermodel tree and drama tree. The supermodel tree is the magnolia and the drama tree is … well I’m not exactly sure what sort of a tree. I call the magnolia the supermodel tree because while it is nice to look at and smells good it is a pain in the ass most of the time and requires a lot of upkeep.

The drama tree is pretty and in the way it saves it leaves until every other tree has shed it’s leaves then decides once you have raked the yard completely and think you are done with the yard work it will find the worst weather week then all at once shed 99 percent of the leaves. It does this to let me know it’s in the yard with the supermodel tree and can be a pain in my ass too.

I tell the trees regularly I own a saw and pruning shears. They laugh at me and continue to drop their crap (leaves) in my yard.

Crab grass sucks in case you didn’t know. Sucks a lot.

Saturday late p.m.

The Virginia High school League basketball championship series. I really don’t care a bit about basketball and care less about it now than I did before

You are probably asking if you hate basketball so much why were you there. Because my daughter is a cheerleader and I go to be supportive of what she does to see her do what she likes doing. She does a great job and I’m glad she isn’t a flyer on her squad because I think my heart would stop. The one girl who is captain and a flyer does this back arch leg thing standing on leg then vaults off into this spinning fall to a catch by the base members of the squad. The job of the base is far more complicated than you might think. My daughter explained it to me and I was in awe of her explaining a thing she does in her life and makes look easy that is far more complicated.

They do practice a lot and it shows I worried seeing the other squads doing lifts and things and appeared to be very unstable. Because as the back of one of my daughters t-shirts says… “In other sports if you miss the catch all you do is drop a ball.”

The point of the night was not the cheering squads, it was the basketball team or teams as there were many game being played. I saw a bit of the game before and the game with the school which my daughter is a student. They one and move on to the final four.

The distracting thing was how unfairly some athletes play their sports. Basketball is not a contact sport. There is some contact but it is not a contact sport. However, the way the game is played now is a disgrace. I understand evolution of the game but deliberate chops, pushes, shoves, leg blocks, how many steps can you take now before it’s traveling?? I think its five, … well it’s five depending on what team you are on. My daughters school did foul but they were accidental going for the ball fouls. The other team had two plays foul out of the game and two other with four fouls and two others with at least three each.

I was glad to see this hatchet squad to get beaten. Their coach should not be allowed to coach because he either can’t control his players or he is teaching them to play like hacks, either way its not good sportsmanship.

One other thing when did player stop having to raise their hand in acknowledgement of a foul. When I learned the game if you were called for a foul you had to raise your hand to acknowledge the foul. To own it. You made a mistake and you had to say I made this error.

There was other evidence earlier in the day too at the dodge ball event. One of my teammates overheard a parent telling their kid don’t go out unless the ref calls you out. This was a fundraiser for fun. Go out on the honor system, you know when the ball hits you go out own it. I understand you may not realize you’ve stepped out of bounds but you know when you’re hit.

Sportsmanship is dying and I think it has hit me more seeing the Olympics which this year seemed to be free of any doping, un-sportsman like conduct, and athletic controversy. To seeing so many sports tainted by ego, cheating, and ill will toward competitors.

Kudos to my daughters school and the one girls team which played before them who also beat a team which was going far and beyond acceptable play and court behavior. They did play a good game and rather than wallow in the mud, they and their coaches, played a good clean game.

My daughter will be going to Richmond with her team for the final four and have those memories for later in life.

Saturday was full of adventure

Sunday

Chores mainly not nearly as exciting but I did get a good bit done around the house.


In other news…

So far the Oscar’s this year really sort of blow. Like a lot.

One more week in league play …coming this week. Then the tournament for the league then it’s Kickball… woo hoo…


That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

How completely odd that someone used the same phrase in their blog that I did in mine but totally different... neat... yup I ...

Sometimes when things happen I see them for what they are and accept that they are what they are and there isn’t anything I can do to change them. I’m ok with that

Other times when things happen I see them for what they are and while I accept that are what they are I don’t like them even a little bit. For example really windy days … yup not a fan.

Still other times things happen, I see them for what they are and know that I don’t have to accept them and say no thank you, no merci, let me show you the door kind sir or madam.

That other times things happen, and I just can’t help but think… just how far up your ass is your head. I mean seriously have you seen the light of day in years. Do you even know what you look like. How is the sound up there that far? Really Wednesday Thursday Friday (WTF, as in no one said anything yesterday… geez… yes I’m an attention whore. But I know what my flaws are and I embrace them)

Back to the thing … yes, I’m thinking really how does this happen? Not just in one place but perhaps as many as three not for a day, not for two but for three days. Yup three.

I would cry but I don’t think I would stop, I would start drinking but I don’t think there is enough alcohol I could consume at one time to make me forget and I probably wouldn’t stop




Just some random thoughts from the last week or so

Yes, yes, and yes … just yes… a think in my head

It absolutely makes me want to … decorum prevents me from including the next few sentences … when you say that

Looking into your eyes …

Would you find some medication please.

Do you have to do that

Really, you’re going to go there … joy

Oh I’m not really surprised

It makes me look old because I am old

Of course you’re not

Karma can you give me a hint as to who I was in a past life? I sure we can work out a deal I’m sure I wasn’t really that much of a bastard… whadda’ya say…eh

In other news…

Dodgeball tomorrow … we aren’t in last place or even next to last place. We’re in next to next to last place… oh yeah we rock… or just like next to first but not but the same as next to first as they aren’t first either so it’s all the same. How is that for glass half full (head nod and rocker hand gesture)


That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Starts badly but it ends much less badly

This winter Jack Frost has made a visit. And he has stayed for a while. It’s not like Phil didn’t tell us that it would be winter for a while longer 18 more days still. Of course there are those who have taken the recent atmospheric anomalies to discount science and scoff at things.

Then the financial crisis this has left many a locality under is indeed problematic, however I think if we look to the ant and the grass hopper we can see that our elected officials have failed us. Rather than prepare for and put supplies, equipment, budget for a winter to have winter weather most places allowed that they would not set aside adequate funds and other resources for these occasions. No the ill thought out previous officials actions are the problems for the now.

Either way who gets the shaft… yup the average joe and jane.

Regardless the mistakes made at the top are always felt hardest by those at the bottom. I suppose everyone in office should begin reading their history books again and decide how they want to continue to lead … maintain a broken system and keep failing or try something new.

I wonder what the aristocracy of the past would say about this … oh that’s right they died at the hands of the revolutionaries so they were able to write about how they succeeded in old age because they failed epically in life

On to other rants

If one more person sings the dumpster song to me … my head might just explode

Moving on.

Monday, Tuesday, W T F … it all makes sense now

In other news…

Wow, if I could afford to go to the dentist every day I would, my hygienist is… um … well if the doctor stabbed me I might not know it … yup… le sigh, I don’t know her name. It would almost be worth it to stop flossing to have more trips to the dentist. Almost as in it would be fun to go more but bad in that my teeth would be all janked up and that can’t make a good impression… well it might be interesting to discuss at dental conferences but it’s not going to win any points in the hey would you like to go have coffee and talk sometime category

I wonder if punch in the jaw would work… you know make sure the grill is all intact…but then you look like a wanker for being in a fight… unless it’s all Evil League of Evil and Dr. Horrible -esk … that might work… yeah, I even already have the ELE nickname Invisible Don King of the Bastards… with bumper stickers. Yes huh


That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Mini rant, Lots of dodgeball and I don't know what is going on.

Mini rant, Lots of dodgeball and I don't know what is going on.

Well it’s officially snowing …boo, yuck and phooey even. Normally I’m not like this, I love the snow, but as of late not so much. I don’t have the time, money or money for snow at this point so it can go the hell away. Yup I said hell as in Ay-ch Ee double hockey sticks with a side of Firetruck and torque too with a bit of backward suction. Indeed.

So I’ll be shoveling in the morning. I don’t wanna shovel, I don’t like the shovel. It’s ugly and mean.

I’m sleepy

Dodge, to avoid
Dip to lower in dance or to avoid
Duck, an aquatic fowl or to quickly avoid
Dive, to plunge from a height into water or to avoid
Dodge, a car you should avoid both in standing in front of while it’s moving or from purchase.

The 5 D’s of dodge ball…as in Imma playin dodge ball

There are several of us aplayinda dodge ball, I don’t think any of us really suspect that this is actually going to be physical activity. You know move your mass around rapidly avoid being hit by big red rubber ball POINK… nothing really makes a noise like a dodge ball hitting a person

Nothing really makes a sound like a wrench hitting a person either but we aren’t dodging wrenches.

We aren’t dodging wrenches right? Seriously we aren’t dodging wrenches…

It says right here in the bylaws of the ADAA that would be the American Dodgeball Association of America that only players hit by a live ball below the shoulders including the clothing are out.

Whew not in the face… I won’t have to shriek like a little girl … hey I’m ugly enough I think the one trip down the tree was enough.

And I may have BDD … yeah that I say it’s the OFUC but now I’m told that I don’t but what I really have is BDD. I don’t think that’s correct but we’ll check.

Back to Dodgeball, yes Cotton it’s exciting less than a week away, Well Pepper it’s about to unfold anything can happen.
Oh I am shamelessly stealing from that moving.
But we didn’t steal our name from them like another team, well borrowed yeah they are the Average Joe’s

Thankfully no one took the purple cobra.

We are the Oneders, (wonders incase you haven’t seen the movie… which I haven’t)
But if we had chosen a rather menacing name we may have been shamed into not wearing our shirt because my prediction is we are going to make the dysen vacuum look like a toy, gravity look like a myth, a black hole an escapable place, yup that all means suck, as in suck in a big big way,

But you know what we’ll have fun doing it.

Big Fun just like the shirts in Heathers without the walking into traffic and dying part or the dying in the woods, and not all being named heather either… and our shirt say Oneders and not BIG FUN but it is the same

BIG FUN

I’ll let you know how much and if I can talk stunt boy into recording it, maybe even a video of the MASS A CREE of our team

But to put a positive spin on this to para-phrase-ically quote Peter LaFluer, AKA Vince Vaughn “we don’t know who our best player is it could be anyone one of us”

BIG FUN

WHOOOSH >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> POINK !

Not in the faceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

POINK POINK POINK

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In other news…


…I’m so confused, so much more than my normal confused … I don’t know what to do… Oh I know what I would do were I in a position to do but no it’s gotta be confusing.


That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,