A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.
Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.
When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand.
Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.
Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum.
When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold.
A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying.
No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.
A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.
During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor.
No pirate shall ever wear a "fanny pack".
All foods prepared by a pirate must include rum, grog, or beer. Boone's and other "Wench Punch" is prohibited.
A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands.
No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes.
Pirate Law: Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower.
No pirate shall drink Grog out of a glass. Grog is only to be consumed either straight from the barrel, or from a mug heavy enough to to kill a man.
Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel-- head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory.
A pirate shall never wrap presents. The only thing a pirate gives is a bludgerin'.
Pirate Law: A pirate does not use the word "Fabulous". Ever.
No pirate shall attend a movie with less than an Arrrr rating.
Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse.
Pirate Law: "ARRRRRRRRRRR..." is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question.
A pirate does not "go shopping". Unless by "shopping", you mean "killing".
Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unnacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase "shiver me timbers".
Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy.
Under no circumstances is a comb-over an acceptable pirate hairdo.
No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is "wrinkled". A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood.
When drinking, Pirates may sing. "Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest" is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed.
No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions.
No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain.
If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status.
A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling".
A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man.
Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure.
Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monacle are prohibited.
When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back. -->
Pirates do not go shopping. They go lootin' and plunderin'. -->
A pirate does not mow the lawn. Lawns are for landlubbers.
Lifting or removing one's eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It's just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate's eyepatch, except with a sword to the face.
Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling").
A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough.
While creativity is encouraged during any barfight or battle at sea, pirates may only use the following types of sword; falchions, scimitars, rapiers, and particularly long knives. Katanas or any other Ninja sword are strictly forbidden, unless the Pirate rips off a Ninja's arm and hurls the arm, and attached Katana, as a projectile.
No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason.
Kidnapping is an acceptable substitute for killing, but only if it is for the purpose of plank walking at a later time.
When swimming, pirates do not dive. They cannonball.
Cannoneers aboard a pirate vessel are not allowed to use hearing protection of any sort. No matter what the OSHA regulations say, if ye can't stand bleedin' from the ears, you have no business being a Pirate.
A pirate will never wear a patch that is any other color than black; unless it's halloween. then they can wear a patch with an eyeball painted on the outside. Polka dots are not permitted under any circumstances.
Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity.
Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However, they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we're talking about, not Inspector Gadget.
A pirate's diet consists mainly of meat. If at sea, and meat is not available, shoe leather is an acceptable replacement.
Pirate Law: You can't spell pirate, without "irate". There's a reason for that, so don't even try.
No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage.
Pirate Law: When choosing clothing, even if it looks dirty, or smells dirty, it is clean.
A pirate may ride in a rowboat, if traveling to or from his ship. Use of a Kayak is only permitted if used for cannon target practice.
When drinking rum, the only thing a pirate adds to the rum is more rum.
The official Pirate religion is Pastafarianism.
No pirate shall ever play wiffle ball.
Under no circumstances does a pirate speak with a Ninja, unless he first decapitates that Ninja and uses his head like a sock puppet.
When at the office, answering the telephone with "Arrrrrrr" is perfectly acceptable for pirates. Other acceptable choices are "Avast!", and "Ahoy Matey!"
A Pirate does not read poetry, unless said poetry is scrawled on the wall of a bathroom.
All women are to be referred to as wenches, with the exception of female Pirates, who can be referred to as "lass".
Pirates do not clean up, except when gold falls out of a treasure chest.
Spilling rum is not acceptable, except in the act of "pouring some out for dead mateys".
A pirate may tell any tale of swashbuckling without being called on the details, as long as at least 51% of the story is true.
A pirate may never shave below the neck. Shaving above the neck is allowed, but only if the pirate shaves his entire head. In the presence of cannibals, a mohawk is acceptable.
No pirate may do the arm movements for "YMCA", or engage in country-western line-dancing.
Pirates do not say "please" or "thank you". The phrase "Arrr, I'll probably kill you tomorrow" is an acceptable alternative for "Thank you".
Should the ship's bow have a carving of a naked wench, mermaid, or something of the like, crew members should not touch it. Feeling up a wooden statue is unbecoming of a pirate.
Pirates do not "IM". The only instant message allowed is a sword through the chest.
Dental Hygiene for Pirates is not a priority. Should there be occasion, however, strong rum or salt water can be used as mouthwash. Anything "minty fresh" is strictly forbidden.
Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realize.
And finally, How do you know if you are a pirate? You just "Arrrrrrrr"...
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Why and Why not
My blogging gap hasn't been as long this time. Spending time with my son. My daughter is still living with my mother. They seem to be getting along for not which is good I hope that they will continue to get along.
Found out some things that I'm not really happy about and also was not surprised to find out. My family immediate and extended if all brought together would make for a seasons worth of TV shows, well my cousin already did that and only really just touched the surface of things.
I may start doing a high lights of my family thing. I think the classic was when the peacemaker got a restraining order on the beta unit.
If you don't know who they are sorry, you'll have to pull out your handy dandy invisible don decoder ring. For those of you how haven't yet received your invisible don decoder ring you'll just have to ask who is who.
Meanwhile back at the invisible fortress things are just dandy.
I have one thing going on at work that has me a bit confused and I'm not getting into it right now. I'll just say that I think I'm right but being right isn't everything. Which leaves me with the question, Why?
Many things are leaving me that question why lately and no one seems to have an answer or have an answer and aren't willing to say what it is.
I'm asking Why not a little at a time. No need in pissing off karma you know I have enough negative points there from somewhere.
Started a new project last night. Hopefully and I'll leave it at that.
More later, as always play nice in the neighborhood
Ciao
Found out some things that I'm not really happy about and also was not surprised to find out. My family immediate and extended if all brought together would make for a seasons worth of TV shows, well my cousin already did that and only really just touched the surface of things.
I may start doing a high lights of my family thing. I think the classic was when the peacemaker got a restraining order on the beta unit.
If you don't know who they are sorry, you'll have to pull out your handy dandy invisible don decoder ring. For those of you how haven't yet received your invisible don decoder ring you'll just have to ask who is who.
Meanwhile back at the invisible fortress things are just dandy.
I have one thing going on at work that has me a bit confused and I'm not getting into it right now. I'll just say that I think I'm right but being right isn't everything. Which leaves me with the question, Why?
Many things are leaving me that question why lately and no one seems to have an answer or have an answer and aren't willing to say what it is.
I'm asking Why not a little at a time. No need in pissing off karma you know I have enough negative points there from somewhere.
Started a new project last night. Hopefully and I'll leave it at that.
More later, as always play nice in the neighborhood
Ciao
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Things that make you proudest of your children
Well some of you may know this and some of you may not. My daughter has gone to live with my mother. I am not very happy about this and as a parent I miss her very much. This is a rather complicated thing and I'm not really sure what all to say about it all.
Teens push their boundaries and test limits I know this so my daughter is closer to 16 now but is still 15. I have seen her make very good choices and also some pretty dumb ones. Who hasn't done that as a teenager. She has made more good ones than bad ones and I'm very proud of her for who she is as a person. She really does try not to follow the flock, herd group and remain her own person. Which has in many cases left her standing on the outside because most of her peers aren't strong enough to go against the group or their friends when they don't agree with them. Doodle will and has not played along just because and said things which has in some cases placed her on the outside of a group because she won't just blindly follow along. I am proud of her for that, However I have also seen this make her question if it is worth it or not when the people she thought were her friend abandon her because she stands up for her own principles and doesn't cave in to peer pressure.
I have also seen the opposite of this where she has given in to peer pressure and done things which I sure she wishes she had not done. I won't get into those because those are her things to talk about or not to talk about. I've tried to be supportive of her in everything she has done right or wrong and to let her know that when she makes mistakes she is still my daughter and I love her regardless of what she did or didn't do.
It's a fine line you have to walk as a parent with kids, especially teens. Then in my situation which is by no mean unique in the US that she has parents who don't live together and one of them who will not cooperate in coparenting from separate households.
Doodle choose not to live with her mother following things her mother said to her which I don't know she has ever forgiven her. So for two and half years she live with me while her brother went back and forth spending a week with me and a week with her. I encouraged my daughter to attempt to make amends with her mother and she may have at some point. I know had the roles been reversed that her mother, CPG, would not have done the same thing. Does not do the same thing. Her mother still continues to undermine my relationship with my children and thinks of herself first in every situation before the children.
I don't put my kids first because I have to, I do it because I want to and I see being a father as the most important thing I do every day. Yes I make mistakes I'm not perfect and I never have said that I am nor do I think I'm better than anyone else. However many people accuse me of this including my ex.
While it pains me everyday for my daughter to be living so far away I'm trying to accept that this is something she feels that she needs to do to find out who she will be later in life. I try to find the positive in the situation and there are several.
She is in a new school but has several relatives there and people she has known for a number of years. Even as the new kid in school she knows people and has made friends with a few others. She does experience the new kid things especially as a girl. My daughter is attractive and this is a fathers nightmare, however it is also nightmarish for a teen age girl. Because other teen girls see her as a threat first to "stealing the attention of boys" rather than as a person. Guys do the same thing but not to the extent that girls do this. She is living with a family member who she has always had a close relationship with and has a job. Something I couldn't encourage her to do here despite numerous efforts.
So there are a lot of good things going on yet I miss her terribly every day. I tell her these things and also still try to encourage her to be her own person. Hard to put that want as a parent to have your children in your lives and letting them explore who they want to be.
To end this on a happier note. I went to she her cheer at a football game this week. Yes she is a cheerleader. Yes I did say she isn't a follower earlier and she still isn't one. She is her own person out there on the field in her squad and she is a team player. You can do both. While the others girls are stiff and rehearsed in their movements I see my daughter enjoying herself and being herself in facial expressions and her demeanor. At the end of the game the football team got beat rather soundly too. Well the opposing team's cheer leaders decided to yell taunts to my daughters squad. Well they responded yelling back in true cheerleader fashion. All the cheerleader are yelling were number one even though the score board clearly states that not so much today. My daughter isn't yelling we're number one she is yelling bring it and is throwing out gang signs and grabbing her crotch and being all urban thug to a bunch of Westby god cheerleaders.
Now my daughter isn't a thug and isn't in a gang but I think she recognized that the cheerleaders really had nothing to do with the score at the end of the game and wasn't going to be the dower little girl to taunts
Not my proudest moment as a dad seeing my daughter be all urban thug but not my worst nightmare either because she is her own person and I would like to think I played some role in giving her the courage to do that by always treating her with respect and listening to her.
Anyway that's my thing for today, I'm home with my son because he isn't feeling well. I guess all the pirate fighting he has done lately has taken a toll on his little ninja self.
Ciao
Teens push their boundaries and test limits I know this so my daughter is closer to 16 now but is still 15. I have seen her make very good choices and also some pretty dumb ones. Who hasn't done that as a teenager. She has made more good ones than bad ones and I'm very proud of her for who she is as a person. She really does try not to follow the flock, herd group and remain her own person. Which has in many cases left her standing on the outside because most of her peers aren't strong enough to go against the group or their friends when they don't agree with them. Doodle will and has not played along just because and said things which has in some cases placed her on the outside of a group because she won't just blindly follow along. I am proud of her for that, However I have also seen this make her question if it is worth it or not when the people she thought were her friend abandon her because she stands up for her own principles and doesn't cave in to peer pressure.
I have also seen the opposite of this where she has given in to peer pressure and done things which I sure she wishes she had not done. I won't get into those because those are her things to talk about or not to talk about. I've tried to be supportive of her in everything she has done right or wrong and to let her know that when she makes mistakes she is still my daughter and I love her regardless of what she did or didn't do.
It's a fine line you have to walk as a parent with kids, especially teens. Then in my situation which is by no mean unique in the US that she has parents who don't live together and one of them who will not cooperate in coparenting from separate households.
Doodle choose not to live with her mother following things her mother said to her which I don't know she has ever forgiven her. So for two and half years she live with me while her brother went back and forth spending a week with me and a week with her. I encouraged my daughter to attempt to make amends with her mother and she may have at some point. I know had the roles been reversed that her mother, CPG, would not have done the same thing. Does not do the same thing. Her mother still continues to undermine my relationship with my children and thinks of herself first in every situation before the children.
I don't put my kids first because I have to, I do it because I want to and I see being a father as the most important thing I do every day. Yes I make mistakes I'm not perfect and I never have said that I am nor do I think I'm better than anyone else. However many people accuse me of this including my ex.
While it pains me everyday for my daughter to be living so far away I'm trying to accept that this is something she feels that she needs to do to find out who she will be later in life. I try to find the positive in the situation and there are several.
She is in a new school but has several relatives there and people she has known for a number of years. Even as the new kid in school she knows people and has made friends with a few others. She does experience the new kid things especially as a girl. My daughter is attractive and this is a fathers nightmare, however it is also nightmarish for a teen age girl. Because other teen girls see her as a threat first to "stealing the attention of boys" rather than as a person. Guys do the same thing but not to the extent that girls do this. She is living with a family member who she has always had a close relationship with and has a job. Something I couldn't encourage her to do here despite numerous efforts.
So there are a lot of good things going on yet I miss her terribly every day. I tell her these things and also still try to encourage her to be her own person. Hard to put that want as a parent to have your children in your lives and letting them explore who they want to be.
To end this on a happier note. I went to she her cheer at a football game this week. Yes she is a cheerleader. Yes I did say she isn't a follower earlier and she still isn't one. She is her own person out there on the field in her squad and she is a team player. You can do both. While the others girls are stiff and rehearsed in their movements I see my daughter enjoying herself and being herself in facial expressions and her demeanor. At the end of the game the football team got beat rather soundly too. Well the opposing team's cheer leaders decided to yell taunts to my daughters squad. Well they responded yelling back in true cheerleader fashion. All the cheerleader are yelling were number one even though the score board clearly states that not so much today. My daughter isn't yelling we're number one she is yelling bring it and is throwing out gang signs and grabbing her crotch and being all urban thug to a bunch of Westby god cheerleaders.
Now my daughter isn't a thug and isn't in a gang but I think she recognized that the cheerleaders really had nothing to do with the score at the end of the game and wasn't going to be the dower little girl to taunts
Not my proudest moment as a dad seeing my daughter be all urban thug but not my worst nightmare either because she is her own person and I would like to think I played some role in giving her the courage to do that by always treating her with respect and listening to her.
Anyway that's my thing for today, I'm home with my son because he isn't feeling well. I guess all the pirate fighting he has done lately has taken a toll on his little ninja self.
Ciao
Monday, September 17, 2007
Pirates v. Ninjas
Ninjas v. Pirates
A conversation which just sprang out of the mind of a 10 year old boy. No not me silly my son. Now while I many at times think like a 10 year old, I see that as a good thing.
"Dad, who would win in a fight a pirate or a ninja?"
I say " I really like pirates"
"Are you kidding, there is no way a pirate would win, ninjas would win every time."
"Why is that" I ask
"Well pirates are drunk all of the time and ninjas don't drink. Pirates are always laying around and ninjas are always on task, ninjas have better armor and smoke bombs, cool swords and throwing stars. Pirates only have clothing and swords. Plus pirates aren't very smart and you have to be smart to be a ninja.
I say, "well pirates have cannon"
Without hesitation he replies, "you have to see the ninjas coming to shoot them"
"good point"
So I guess that is why pirates stayed on the ocean because ninjas don't have ships. So the moral of the story is that while it may be better to be a ninja but pirates work less and have more fun.
Yay, for being a pirate but watch out for ninjas because they'll kick your butt.
A conversation which just sprang out of the mind of a 10 year old boy. No not me silly my son. Now while I many at times think like a 10 year old, I see that as a good thing.
"Dad, who would win in a fight a pirate or a ninja?"
I say " I really like pirates"
"Are you kidding, there is no way a pirate would win, ninjas would win every time."
"Why is that" I ask
"Well pirates are drunk all of the time and ninjas don't drink. Pirates are always laying around and ninjas are always on task, ninjas have better armor and smoke bombs, cool swords and throwing stars. Pirates only have clothing and swords. Plus pirates aren't very smart and you have to be smart to be a ninja.
I say, "well pirates have cannon"
Without hesitation he replies, "you have to see the ninjas coming to shoot them"
"good point"
So I guess that is why pirates stayed on the ocean because ninjas don't have ships. So the moral of the story is that while it may be better to be a ninja but pirates work less and have more fun.
Yay, for being a pirate but watch out for ninjas because they'll kick your butt.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I don't have mother issues
Well my run in's with karma never seem to end, it's not that these are life ending run in's or anything I'm either a walking poster boy for Murphy's law, or a real life Forrest Gump.
Being that I'm not entirely mental and look nothing like Tom Hanks I'm going with the Murphy's Law poster boy.
Murphy's Law being that which can go wrong will go wrong.
Most of the cases I have to work on have some new and interesting twist to them that no one has ever happen to them or that happen so infrequently that that they can't remember the last time that happened.
It's not just the job, if I get in line at the store - it's the slowest line
At a light I'm behind the person waiting for a different shade of green or trapped behind that guy who won't pull up so you can get to the turning lane
If I say something it's the wrong thing
Try to do the right thing and it turns around and bites me in the ass
Try to do a favor and it turns out it didn't need to be done.
I'm not complaining mind you I'm just making observations
Who knows all this new experience has got to pay off at some point right?
Right?
So karma is still keeping me around as her whipping boy. Yay
Oh wait my mother is calling
Ciao
Invisible Don
Song Mother by The Police
PS I just thought the song would be a funny way to end the blog so If I have dated you I don't think you have become my mother
Being that I'm not entirely mental and look nothing like Tom Hanks I'm going with the Murphy's Law poster boy.
Murphy's Law being that which can go wrong will go wrong.
Most of the cases I have to work on have some new and interesting twist to them that no one has ever happen to them or that happen so infrequently that that they can't remember the last time that happened.
It's not just the job, if I get in line at the store - it's the slowest line
At a light I'm behind the person waiting for a different shade of green or trapped behind that guy who won't pull up so you can get to the turning lane
If I say something it's the wrong thing
Try to do the right thing and it turns around and bites me in the ass
Try to do a favor and it turns out it didn't need to be done.
I'm not complaining mind you I'm just making observations
Who knows all this new experience has got to pay off at some point right?
Right?
So karma is still keeping me around as her whipping boy. Yay
Oh wait my mother is calling
Ciao
Invisible Don
Song Mother by The Police
PS I just thought the song would be a funny way to end the blog so If I have dated you I don't think you have become my mother
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I should really, just not say things like that
The other day I was in someone's office at work because I had to be there. This person likes to talk and talk and talk. Well I find a way to leave the conversation and then on my way out, on their radio I hear a song I really like playing. So I say you know I really like this song just as a matter of passing. You know as if to say I really like sunny days.
Well now this really simple comment has lead to a lot of analysis about why do I like that song and what does it mean to me. Well that is sort of personal question. So I say I just like it. It's not an upbeat song but it isn't all that sad, a little bit though. The song does have a special meaning to me but I'm not sharing. I'm not even going to say what it is here in this blog.
I'm really sort of glad it wasn't one of my really guilty pleasure songs like Hanson's M-bop or something by Marilyn Manson like Beautiful People or Pepper by the Butthole Surfers. Now there are three bands you won't see in the same sentence often. I can only imagine what the comments would be had I said you know The Ballad of Resurrection Joe and Rosa Whore by Rob Zombie is one of my favorite songs.
That isn't entirely true but I do like that song. I guess my point is can't you just say something in passing anymore without everyone taking it so far out of context.
I mean I rarely give compliments to people anymore that I haven't known for a very long time because it might be sexual harassment. To either gender.
It has gotten to be a world where every thing we say has to have some deeper meaning or that we are trying to say something we aren't saying.
Maybe it's just me but I don't think it is … and as far as the Hanson thing goes you know you love that song too. MMM BOP Oh yeah have a good day and if you are on myspace I'm posting MMM Bop as my video pick of the day. Feel free to call me freak if you like but I know you'll play it and sing along too. Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du
Yeah
MMMM BOP
Now that I have succeeded in getting that song stuck in your head
WHY DO YOU LIKE THAT SONG????????????
Just because, right.
See I'm not wrong
That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.
Ciao,
Well now this really simple comment has lead to a lot of analysis about why do I like that song and what does it mean to me. Well that is sort of personal question. So I say I just like it. It's not an upbeat song but it isn't all that sad, a little bit though. The song does have a special meaning to me but I'm not sharing. I'm not even going to say what it is here in this blog.
I'm really sort of glad it wasn't one of my really guilty pleasure songs like Hanson's M-bop or something by Marilyn Manson like Beautiful People or Pepper by the Butthole Surfers. Now there are three bands you won't see in the same sentence often. I can only imagine what the comments would be had I said you know The Ballad of Resurrection Joe and Rosa Whore by Rob Zombie is one of my favorite songs.
That isn't entirely true but I do like that song. I guess my point is can't you just say something in passing anymore without everyone taking it so far out of context.
I mean I rarely give compliments to people anymore that I haven't known for a very long time because it might be sexual harassment. To either gender.
It has gotten to be a world where every thing we say has to have some deeper meaning or that we are trying to say something we aren't saying.
Maybe it's just me but I don't think it is … and as far as the Hanson thing goes you know you love that song too. MMM BOP Oh yeah have a good day and if you are on myspace I'm posting MMM Bop as my video pick of the day. Feel free to call me freak if you like but I know you'll play it and sing along too. Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du
Yeah
MMMM BOP
Now that I have succeeded in getting that song stuck in your head
WHY DO YOU LIKE THAT SONG????????????
Just because, right.
See I'm not wrong
That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.
Ciao,
Monday, September 10, 2007
Beer with Bhudda or Budda as you will discover
From back in the day
So recently many people have suggested that I start blogging again, well with a bit more frequency than I have been. Well nothing much is going on in my life.
Work, come home, sleep repeat. Do the dad thing every other week and that is about it for my life right now normal - well minus all the drama that happens in my life with the RIAA lawsuit, my mother hating me yadda yadda yadda
So to find anything worth writing about I either have to bitch and complain like you need to hear my problems or get all political or write about stuff that has already happened.
I picked C for today boys and girls, ladies and gents, people of all ages. Because I was reminded of a story of how the military some times messes up orders when I was talking with a person at work whose son is in the military and his orders got screwed up.
So this one is from back in my days in the military, yes I was once a member of our nations armed forces you may remember a period of time some years ago when felt really safe and nothing bad could happen. Well that was when I was in the military and that is why you felt really safe. Not the point of the story or the story at all.
While I was in there were a large assortment of people I was serving with and one of my friends Jay was call Budda pronounced Buddha. yes I know it isn't spelled like Buddha but that is how it was said . Budda was thusly named because he
1) was a war comic book fan,
2) always wanted the machine gun
3) the word war comics put in for machine gun fire is Budda as in BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA and really big on the page
So every one called Jay Budda, oh and by the way like normal Jay's name isn't really Jay but we did call him Budda I change real names to protect people in my stories
Well Budda was a cool guy and was fun to be around and funny as all hell. The entire Flight (platoon for you non air force people) was really sad when Budda got sick. Really sick
He had to go to the hospital on the base and didn't get any better for a long time. Was then sent to a larger hospital in Germany and treated him there for a while. Well the other hospital was far enough away that most of us couldn't visit Budda very often. Then we get the news that Budda had died.
WTF? Yeah no kidding we have a ceremony and send his family our deepest sympathies.
Well about 6 months later give or take. I was patrolling on the base and I see BUDDA walking on the base. I'm like WTF? I stop the car. Get out and Budda says, Hey Goose whatcha doing I was called Goose in the military and not invisible don as in the last story I wrote about cursing in Russian. So I say, You're dead. Because at this point I'm wondering Ok
1. I'm dead and Budda is here to help me - ironic that I'm Buddhist and Budda is coming to meet me.
2. I'm going insane and having audio and visual hallucinations
I don't remember dying so I'm going with I'm insane for the moment.
Budda says What?
I say, You are dead Budda what are you doing here.
Budda says, I was in a US hospital.
I say what?
Budda says, yeah they shipped me there from the hospital here because I wasn't getting any better there either and this other hospital in the US had the idea that they could treat me and had access to other doctors that aren't over here.
Ok now I'm thinking I'm not dead and probably not insane. Because as the military is known it has some major SNAFU's. The term comes from the military because they happen so often. SNAFU means if you don't know
Situation
Normal
All
FUCKED
Up
This is a MAJOR SNAFU, Major still just means really big even in the military unless you are talking rank and it's a middle rank but up there.
Budda you have to come with me. He says What again. I said I'll explain on the way so I take him to the Flight Chief and explain they told us you died and we sent sympathy cards to your mother. Then I'm like when was the last time you talked to your mother?
Budda rubbed his chin, he did actually do that all the time and says I guess about a year ago. Oh man major FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Reason) Also has it's roots in military mistakes
So this has gone from Snafu to Major Snafu to the end all beat all Snafu Fubar of the century.
I get Budda to the Flight Chief and have him wait outside because not everyone deals well with the dead coming back to life and all. So I walk in ask for permission to speak freely and then I say Sir I think we have a situation. Situation means really big problem in the military.
The Flight Chief says Well what is it
I say, do you remember Sgt. Budda?
Yes he died.
I say no he didn't.
What the fuck are you talking about?
He is standing outside I just saw him on the base he is here he was in the US.
FC. You are fucking shitting me.
In the military fuck is used in most nearly every sentence. I'll edit for content sake
No Sir he is here and Sir his mother isn't aware that his isn't dead.
The FC is still not really quiet grasping the fact that Budda is alive. You know that look a dog does when they look at you sideways. All confused. Well the FC looks like this now. I told you most people don't deal well with the dead coming back to life it doesn't happen. Well that one time but other than that jesus guy not so much . So I figure the only way to snap the FC back out of the doggy stare is to bring Budda in to the room
TA DAH as if by magic, fucking magic at that. This is the military and all.
Well the flight chiefs next sentence consisted mainly of the f word in ways that I had never heard them before and more often than I had heard, ending with the phrase some one's fuckin head will roll for this.
Heads roll often in the military, more so when there is a SNAFU or a FUBAR involved.
Well to make a longer story short. Budda was alive. His Mama found out he was alive and she was very happy. Budda got to go on leave because of the major snafu and see his mama and was actually offered an early discharge and compensation for pain and suffering.
Heads did roll though. Some one who handles military orders some how never sent the hospital transfer papers through the chain of command. Then when our duty station had to do it's accounting of troops it was reported that Budda was gone. That person took gone to mean DEAD not transferred. So they killed him on paperwork
There was a congressional inquiry and all sorts of mean ugly nasty things going on and heads did roll. Budda and I got to have a beer or two or ten before he went back home. I wonder if he laughs about that, probably. Anyway that story made the mom here feel better about her son's one week delay in coming home over a minor mistake in his orders.
So recently many people have suggested that I start blogging again, well with a bit more frequency than I have been. Well nothing much is going on in my life.
Work, come home, sleep repeat. Do the dad thing every other week and that is about it for my life right now normal - well minus all the drama that happens in my life with the RIAA lawsuit, my mother hating me yadda yadda yadda
So to find anything worth writing about I either have to bitch and complain like you need to hear my problems or get all political or write about stuff that has already happened.
I picked C for today boys and girls, ladies and gents, people of all ages. Because I was reminded of a story of how the military some times messes up orders when I was talking with a person at work whose son is in the military and his orders got screwed up.
So this one is from back in my days in the military, yes I was once a member of our nations armed forces you may remember a period of time some years ago when felt really safe and nothing bad could happen. Well that was when I was in the military and that is why you felt really safe. Not the point of the story or the story at all.
While I was in there were a large assortment of people I was serving with and one of my friends Jay was call Budda pronounced Buddha. yes I know it isn't spelled like Buddha but that is how it was said . Budda was thusly named because he
1) was a war comic book fan,
2) always wanted the machine gun
3) the word war comics put in for machine gun fire is Budda as in BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA and really big on the page
So every one called Jay Budda, oh and by the way like normal Jay's name isn't really Jay but we did call him Budda I change real names to protect people in my stories
Well Budda was a cool guy and was fun to be around and funny as all hell. The entire Flight (platoon for you non air force people) was really sad when Budda got sick. Really sick
He had to go to the hospital on the base and didn't get any better for a long time. Was then sent to a larger hospital in Germany and treated him there for a while. Well the other hospital was far enough away that most of us couldn't visit Budda very often. Then we get the news that Budda had died.
WTF? Yeah no kidding we have a ceremony and send his family our deepest sympathies.
Well about 6 months later give or take. I was patrolling on the base and I see BUDDA walking on the base. I'm like WTF? I stop the car. Get out and Budda says, Hey Goose whatcha doing I was called Goose in the military and not invisible don as in the last story I wrote about cursing in Russian. So I say, You're dead. Because at this point I'm wondering Ok
1. I'm dead and Budda is here to help me - ironic that I'm Buddhist and Budda is coming to meet me.
2. I'm going insane and having audio and visual hallucinations
I don't remember dying so I'm going with I'm insane for the moment.
Budda says What?
I say, You are dead Budda what are you doing here.
Budda says, I was in a US hospital.
I say what?
Budda says, yeah they shipped me there from the hospital here because I wasn't getting any better there either and this other hospital in the US had the idea that they could treat me and had access to other doctors that aren't over here.
Ok now I'm thinking I'm not dead and probably not insane. Because as the military is known it has some major SNAFU's. The term comes from the military because they happen so often. SNAFU means if you don't know
Situation
Normal
All
FUCKED
Up
This is a MAJOR SNAFU, Major still just means really big even in the military unless you are talking rank and it's a middle rank but up there.
Budda you have to come with me. He says What again. I said I'll explain on the way so I take him to the Flight Chief and explain they told us you died and we sent sympathy cards to your mother. Then I'm like when was the last time you talked to your mother?
Budda rubbed his chin, he did actually do that all the time and says I guess about a year ago. Oh man major FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Reason) Also has it's roots in military mistakes
So this has gone from Snafu to Major Snafu to the end all beat all Snafu Fubar of the century.
I get Budda to the Flight Chief and have him wait outside because not everyone deals well with the dead coming back to life and all. So I walk in ask for permission to speak freely and then I say Sir I think we have a situation. Situation means really big problem in the military.
The Flight Chief says Well what is it
I say, do you remember Sgt. Budda?
Yes he died.
I say no he didn't.
What the fuck are you talking about?
He is standing outside I just saw him on the base he is here he was in the US.
FC. You are fucking shitting me.
In the military fuck is used in most nearly every sentence. I'll edit for content sake
No Sir he is here and Sir his mother isn't aware that his isn't dead.
The FC is still not really quiet grasping the fact that Budda is alive. You know that look a dog does when they look at you sideways. All confused. Well the FC looks like this now. I told you most people don't deal well with the dead coming back to life it doesn't happen. Well that one time but other than that jesus guy not so much . So I figure the only way to snap the FC back out of the doggy stare is to bring Budda in to the room
TA DAH as if by magic, fucking magic at that. This is the military and all.
Well the flight chiefs next sentence consisted mainly of the f word in ways that I had never heard them before and more often than I had heard, ending with the phrase some one's fuckin head will roll for this.
Heads roll often in the military, more so when there is a SNAFU or a FUBAR involved.
Well to make a longer story short. Budda was alive. His Mama found out he was alive and she was very happy. Budda got to go on leave because of the major snafu and see his mama and was actually offered an early discharge and compensation for pain and suffering.
Heads did roll though. Some one who handles military orders some how never sent the hospital transfer papers through the chain of command. Then when our duty station had to do it's accounting of troops it was reported that Budda was gone. That person took gone to mean DEAD not transferred. So they killed him on paperwork
There was a congressional inquiry and all sorts of mean ugly nasty things going on and heads did roll. Budda and I got to have a beer or two or ten before he went back home. I wonder if he laughs about that, probably. Anyway that story made the mom here feel better about her son's one week delay in coming home over a minor mistake in his orders.
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