Pepper

oh well I thought I wanted to say something. I guess not

Some Song lyrics instead from Pepper by the Butthole Surfers

They were all in love with dying
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain.

04:30 to 05:30

I woke up this morning it was dark as usual. The talk radio station my alarm is set too was blabbing something about alien abductions.

-- What the hell is that about --?

So I lay there in the bed eyes shut wishing for sleep to capture me again. However, I am vexed by the oddity bleeding out of the radio and I can't bring myself to hit the snooze button.

The lady keeps on and on about how she was taken away by aliens -- The radio host is going right along with her like Hansel and Gretle hand in hand down the path to the witches house.

I suddenly noticed that most of the people who claim to have been abducted by aliens are people that you wouldn't want as a houseguest anyway. Maybe that’s why they are sent back.
So now I’m convinced that I will not be able to go back to sleep so I get up and stumble to the shower.

Now the debate if the lights should be on or off.

I turned them on -- mistake.

Now my eyes hurt, but I hop in and it’s not hot yet. Now I'm a bit more awake than a few seconds ago.

Out of the shower

Shave

Brush the teeth

COFFEE--ahhhhhhh

TV news boring

MTV--who is that

VH1 -- not that song again (Jaded)

BRAVO -- Chinese with subtitles -- too early

HBO -- some body dies the person who killed the first person is shot in the back -- to complicated

Infomercial

Infomercial

Infomercial

Weather Channel-- nice day today

Get dressed

COFFEE

Brush teeth again

Pack my lunch -- PB and J with the crusts and a heal too (mental note go to store I need bread)

AH I remember it is pay day -- I knew there was a reason I went to work

Ah hell it's also muthers day --that’s when you pay all the muthers part of the money you owe them.

COFFEE

Pack brief case

CAR

Drive

Red light -- man I hit this light all the time I don't think I have ever rolled up on it when it is green

Drive

A WAVE -- several lights in a row that are green I had 5 today or about 10 blocks only need an 8 light wave to get to work.

Of course the last three are RED

The radio station is playing crappy music and the other stations are in commercial.

Park

Go into work

Talk to the night shift

Office

Drudgery

Short and Sweet

I know I just wrote an entry -- but I looked back at some of my other entries
I seriously need to edit or proof read these things.
But I just realized that I didn't Wave back to YankeeBelle
*waves to* Yankee Belle "how are you?"
(oddly I'm feeling like Fezig in the Princess Bride waving to buttercup at the end of the movie)
thanks for adding me to your list -- the explanation is in the last entry earlier this date.

An odd mix and an explanation

I have been remiss in writing in this diary -- mainly because I have been away from my computer the last few days. (YankeeBelle -- explanation at the end of this entry)
Not much has happened since the last entry -- the semester is almost over and I am so glad I still have one final exam to type up and about 7 term papers to read. I am thrilled to death about reading these papers. Sometimes I get one that is fairly interesting but mostly it is a major pain to read them. Well enough of that.
The museum is still here and that is too much about that.
I have lapsed in my non-required reading as well. I was doing so well with it for a while but recently I have been just going to sleep without reading anything. The book just sits there on the nightstand screaming at me, "pick me up and read."
(I don't actually hear it)
I remember in High school that I never read what I was supposed to read. I was always reading something else -usually what the priest would call trash --and perhaps some of it was trash. I always read the things that were assigned in lit. classes -- but I think they think I should have spent more time reading THE BOOK
--And I guess it might have been a serious draw back had I actually become a priest but now I guess I'm like most of the rest of the people who have one -- but don't read it.
Oddly I find that I still have feelings that I may have been called to service and just talked my self out of it. That would have been something Father Don
*shudder*
Not that being a priest is such a bad thing --it just wasn't for me -- or mostly I think it wasn't.
I am having a hard time with this entry I don't remember If I've written stuff about my family and their extreme hatred of me - Ill have to check and if I haven't... well there is a preview of things to come.
Oh I have some 'splaining to do --
Why did I pick your diary out of the blue and add it to a list of diaries that I like
-- Several reasons
One --living in the south I am often referred to as a Yankee or more to the point a damn Yankee
There is a difference
Yankees just visit the south
Damn Yankees move here
So there was a connection to the name Yankee
Two -- Belle is something that you still hear in the south especially around "proper" southerns
I found that the two words together formed the subtle irony that I enjoy -- I get things in movies and books that many people don't
Three-- I think you just happened to be just above my name on the recently updated diaries list one day so I looked out of curiosity because of the two reasons above
Four -- I liked what I read so I added the name to my list so I could keep up to date with the stuff you were writing -- I guess that's all
(I hope you don't mind) You can read my rambles if you want.
Well I have to read those papers at some point today So I guess now is a good time

I know a song that makes everybody mad

I really need to get more sleep--

I go to bed around 1130 1200 and then I have to get up at 430am. This does not make for very enjoyable days. I need more sleep, today I got up to turn off my alarm and fell back asleep standing up by the alarm clock. That is a sure sign that I need more sleep.

I was talking with the President of the Museum this morning-- he means well but he does not understand the people who work for him. That or he just lives in his own world.

He recently moved into a new house our conversation today was about how much dust hard wood floors show as compared to carpets. Who wants to talk about dust? I think his recent divorce is taking a much bigger toll on him than he lets on.

I talked with my brother last night and my parents are still not speaking to me-- this is a very odd thing too -- because I am being blamed for things that are not my fault. Which is fine this has happened in the past and if I continue to have a relationship with them it will happen again.
I have been think recently on the 10 commandments particularly the one on honor thy mother and father -- does this apply across the board or are there exceptions to the rule.

I mean how far do you have to carry out honoring people who are not very good people. I'm not Judging them either. Its a terrible thing once you start using the theology of the christian church to understand your life -- so many contradictions like those two honoring parents that are not honorable and simply deciding that someone is not a good person.

There are all sorts of contradictions in life like that and I get tired of trying to figure it all out especially with my parents.

I would like to sue for separation from them dissolve any contact with them all together -- its not like it would cost them anything --

I'll explain that whole situation later.

So my brother just got back from Canada he said he had a wonderful time and the skiing was still good. I didn't make the time this year to ski -- I really wish I had.

I'm looking at a picture from a ski trip that my brother and I made to Whistler a few years ago. It was snowing and cold but it we had a great time on that trip.

I'm saving my money to go back to Brazil I think I might try to buy a house there and let a friend live in it until I retire than I can live there.

I'll have to give that some serious thought.

This kid comes up to me yesterday and sings,

"I know a song that makes everybody mad,
Everybody mad,

I know a song that makes everybody mad,
Everybody mad,

And this is how it goes,
I know a song that makes everybody mad,

Everybody mad,
I know a song that makes everybody mad,

Everybody mad
And this is how it goes......

This went on for several verses.

I finally caved in and asked the child to stop. I really wanted not to have to say anything and hoped that the child would stop.

It is uncanny how kids can go on and on and on with the most annoying stuff.

I think the secret is that they don't think about what other people think about it -- just that they don't let it bother them. Then when they get self aware of others awareness of them and then they change and they become boring people with rules and restraints.

So I know a song that makes everybody mad....

Should be doing something else

Good morning-- I must say that 100 times a day or more depending on the day. Today we had 400 itty-bitty kids in here.

If you say good morning to one of them and there is this avalanche of good mornings Hi's and waves. Smile

Wave Smile

Smile

Wave

How are you?

Good morning

Good morning

No ma'am you can't take that in there.

Good morning

Good morning

Hi

Hello

Hi

Wave

Wave

Of course all the while I am wanting to get to my coffee.

So eventually the parade of little tykes is done and I get to drink my coffee which is not as hot as it was a while ago but its caffinated and thats the important thing. Or is it something else.

Well, I should really be doing something else right about now.

Work and my life

So I am in the mood to write again. I am wondering where to start. I look at my life and I think I haven't done anything with it. Time keeps marching by and everyday goes by and I see all the things that I didn't get done for the day. Then at other times I think I have done a great deal with my life I have traveled to Europe, Africa, Asia(western), North and South America. So as the world goes I have been to most every major area at least once in my life I plan to go to Australia at some point and If I find the opportunity Antarctica -- I doubt that I will find the opportunity to go there. I have been 20 countries in the world and nearly all the states in the U.S.

I was in the military and received an honorable discharge after my enlistment.
I have two college degrees and have taught at a large University. I played sports in high school and college, I was also on the deans list 6 of 7 semesters in undergraduate school. I had to screw off one semester I graduated early from college which few do now a days and early from grad school.

I guess the biggest thing is that I remain unfulfilled by the things that I have done in my life. So I look back at the life I have lead and I think yeah so that isn't all that. or wow what a waste of time this has all been in the whole scheme of things.

I don't know if people would say that I was a happy person or not and oddly enough I don't have friends that I hang out with I know hundreds of people, including a friend from school who is now the assistant attorney general for a state. We talk when ever we run in to each other. I know two federal judges in South America and spent time with them a few months ago. I have friends on four continents but we never see each other.

I go home after work --to do work for another job. I work that job and come home to do house work. Someone has to do the laundry, dishes, etc.

I still ski -- but this year I didn't make time to do that I really hate that too. I wish I had made the time to go because that was recently the only thing that I did that was not work -- but that has even been work in the past when I was working as a ski instructor. So my favorite recreational activity wasn't really recreation it was work.

I don't know why I work so much -- I'm actually doing a bit of avoidance by not working on things right now --that's right you guessed it -- I'm at work. I'm always at work --that is the odd thing -- because if I'm not at work I feel like I should be or if I'm not working I think of all the things that need to be done. Like now I'm thinking there is work to be done. and there really is so I do have end this here.

Maybe I will find something I like that isn't work related.

Monday and I'm tired

Ever have one of those days when everything you do just seems to turn out wrong I have those with some regularity. Its fairly annoying when you know that the first thing monday morning is going to be a list of complaints that can't be fixed because. At least I'm getting paid to listent to them. I did that one day -- one of my officers hit right as I came in the door -- you won't believe what happened. _- I said Im sure I wont, but wait until I clock in then you can read the complaint list -- every monday is the same thing.

I am so tired today and I really don't think I will be able to make it today perhaps I should go to bed before midnight when getting up a 430.

Well I need a smoke so I have to run

Avoiding a number

Yikes I just saw that I had the number 13 as my total number of entries as things have been going I really don't want to tempt fate in to getting something over on me so.

I just remembered a friend from Ireland who I used to sit and drink a pint or two with. She was a lot of fun and I haven't thought about her in awhile. I should try to find her again or at least write a letter to her address again maybe she will answer.

Sorry

So its the middle of the afternoon and I am worried that I may have offended a friend of mine today. I really hope that I haven't and If I did I would like to say I'm sorry to that person So I hope that I have the chance to talk to them again.

A far off friend

So the other day I am thinking back about college and a girl that I had several classes with during my time there.

We graduated at the same time she went on to law school and I to a fairly decent job in the juvenile justice system.

So I have her number and I call her up and ask how she is doing? She is teaching still and doing alright -- but she isn't sure about how much longer her job is going to last.

Oddly during the conversation she kept alluding to one of the last times that I saw her in law school. She didn't try to do anything but told me later in a phone call that had I stayed five more minutes that I would have had to stay a lot longer.

Normally that wouldn't shock me -- but you see my friend was and still is married. She and I have never had that type of relationship and it took me by surprise that she boldly has declared a part of herself that wanted to be wild -- because she was always fairly reserved --
later in another conversation she admitted to have a lot of dreams about me and that her husband was not particularly fond of me because she talked about me more than he liked.

I have never figured this one out and the topic seems to keep coming up and is hinted around everytime I talk to her. Even yesterday.

I think she is happy in her relationship with her husband and they have been together for a very long time. She has admitted to me that she did have a thing with another student while she was in law school -- I thought that that was odd --because outside of them I am the only one who knows about the incident or at least Im the only person that she has told. Now anyone who reads this knows too but you don't know who and who knows how many lawyers there are in the world.

She and I still remain friends and most likely will for quite awhile but I will never understand that part of her or why she needs to tell me these things. who knows

Lawyers, Guns and Money

Ever want to say something and not be able to find the words for it. I really have that problem. I am having a problem because my grandmother left me all of her property and now my family is completely pissed at me. -- the thing is I don't care but I do -- I really could give a rats ass about it, the property. I didn't want the property and I didn't ask for it but everyone acts like I did and now no one talks to me. Oddly enough it bothers me that I have to deal with this at all.
I don't want to even be bothered with it not even in the slightest. I would rather it just not be given to me at all.

See the thing is that no one liked my grandmother but me. She was not a really nice person--but who is really a completely nice person. However despite her flaws I liked her and we had good relationship. Well everyone else just thought she was spiteful and mean about everything. I just saw past a lot of that and saw her as my grandmother. Everyone else had to tell or at least they felt they had to tell me that she was just this horrible person. They continued this practice until she died. More than half of the conversations I had with my family in recent months were about what horrible person my grandmother was and all the mean things she has done.
Now they are saying the same things about me-- which bothers me but it doesn't -- Lately I'm more in the I could care less what you think mode. However it will seriously effect any relationship that I have with my brothers because they don't see what they, my (our)parents, are doing.

Well my lawyer and I are going to solve this problem hopefully and then I will be done with it I hope.

----------
Well I thought I had something else to say that was important but I guess not
------

It doesn't get any better than this

So there comes a time in your life when you learn that it doesn't get any better than this. I have reached that with this job here. It just doesn't get any better than this. money freezes mean no raises and the fact that I refuse to ingratiate myself to my superiors has had a similar effect on many other jobs. The load of garbage they feed you that they want you to do your job is just that they want you to be there as there toady, lackey, flunky, yes man and then you might get a bone -- but do your job don't complain and don't make small talk around the office well then you are just a pain in the neck.

Then one day you realize it doesn't get any better than this. However you can go out for some cool refreshing beverage because you have a job and then for a bit its a bit better than it was but only briefly. but that moment is what counts and if you add up all the moments you can look back on just those and forget about the boss and the lousy customers because they have realized the same thing in their life that it just doesn't get any better and they are just nasty about it.

A dream and a ski run

Well I had a fairly odd dream the other night I was in a public place but I was not able to identify where I was. I knew there were many people around but they didn't seem to notice me or care what I was up too. Except one person a t.v. news reporter she came up to me and started to ask me questions but they didn't make any sense -- but I was answering her questions but I don't know what I was saying but it must have been what she was asking about because this continued for a long time then we got into a car together the reporter and I and drove off the camera man stayed where he was but then just as the reporter was going to ask me something personal -- this question I understood I woke up
How typical of my life these days right when I think things are beginning to look up everything starts to go wrong.
So one day my brother and I were skiing in Whistler British Columbia (I'm not Canadian) and we were at the peak on the ride up the mountain the peak area fogged in. This was interesting because there are several drop offs of some distance and rough areas of exposed rock that can cause a not so good day on the slopes. By the time we reached the top of the mountain it was nearly a white out no tree or other landscape to break the white of the fog and the white of the snow. standing there on the top of the mountain at 7000 feet was like being in limbo. We noticed that if we stood there too long we would become completely disoriented and not find our way down until it cleared. So bravely we headed down the mountain at times it seemed like we were floating in the air because the was no way to visually distinguish the ground from the sky and drop offs and hazards all around made the run all the more exciting we were among the very few who were brave enough or foolish enough to attempt getting off the mountain in those conditions when we finally descended into the tree lines at 5000 feet we were glad that it was over but sad because we were truly back on earth and it really did seem like we trapped by gravity again.

Tired on a Wednesday

I am so tired I didn't sleep very well last night my eyes hurt and I think I may need to take a nap. I wish I could leave work early. I might leave early, I have some comp time that I could use and be done with this stuff today I think I will

Reading a label

Tuesday things are going much better today not as many things going wrong this is a good thing. Its a nice day with a chance of rain but the weather rock says its not raining.

I often wonder about who I am and how I impact peoples lives. right now I think that I have little impact on most of the people I meet however being that I teach people I would like to think that I have some influence on how they think or even that they think. I run into so many people who don't think. They don't think about anything. You ask them what do you think about something? they don't know don't care or are afraid to say.

Its not like the answer is wrong--although many answers are unpopular with a major part of society.

Like the term minority -- how is this a good thing? Yes there are fewer people of a particular religion, race, gender, or something everywhere. but what are we promoting by using the label of minority -- that they are less important or that the majority just by sheer numbers is right or are we attempting in some way to control the behavior of a particular group by using language that does not allow for the development of a positive self image or serves to make an individual feel out of place in certain areas of society.

who knows?

Don't do it

So it's Monday again and things aren't what you would call running smoothly. However things could be worse. I am really wondering about my life and the many things that one can choose to do or usually choose not to do. The latter is more often the case we choose not to take risks because we will look foolish or others will say we aren't good enough for that or it can't be done. So we don't even try.

I think about this and have looked back at my life. The times when I was the happiest were when I said I am going to do this or that and not be one of the herd. I don't like the clanging of the other bells near me. I have fallen prey to the easier path and fallen into the herd I need to fight my way back out. It will be hard to do but I am going to do it. The hell with the herd they aren't going where I want to go so who cares if the path is easy.

I'm not supposed to be here

So I'm at work again--this is the only place right now that I can access the net and do this stuff. Planning on getting hooked up at home soon, but who knows. I know this girl and I have been trying to go out with her for awhile now. We have been out a few times with other people around, you know the group thing -- then every time we got a minute alone something else would happen and someone would come back in and hang out for awhile.

Work here is alright--I'm actually not even supposed to be here. Sounds like something from a movie.

But here I am doing the work thing. I watch the people. They go here and there look at this and that. I work in a Museum by the way so I get to see interesting stuff sometimes. One of the guys here caught one couple that was totally moved by the art and just had to express themselves in the museum. Well I think there might actually be laws against doing that in public.

I watched an older movie today "Lord of the Flies" that was very interesting I've read the book a few times once in high school and another time in college. That's why I didn't see the movie. But now that I did watch it I liked it. The story really can make you angry watching it and reading it, the emotional value, the unfairness and wanting to step in and help Ralph and Piggy against Jack.

Life is odd that way we see injustices everywhere and we talk about them. However when most of us are actually faced with defending those who are unjustly treated we don't. And sometimes those who need the help don't want it and get mad at you for wanting to help them out of a jam. Odd huh

A friend was looking for a word to describe a feeling she was having. Melancholy is probably the best way to describe the way you said you felt. She will know who she is if she read this.
Well that's about it for now.

Tuesday at work

So it's Tuesday and it's raining, but this is a good thing because I am trying to grow grass in my lawn and this will really help that little project along. Today "Much Ado About Nothing" is in the theatre and about 300 high school kids are in here, most of which have no interest in Shakespeare at all and those who do have to sit in with all those who don't not a pretty sight.
So I'm up here in the museum and watching all the little kids touch the things they aren't supposed to touch, and run next to the breakable stuff with their shoes untied just waiting to trip and fall.
but it's a good day for the most part-- my allergies aren't acting up today, I am catching up on things at work, and I feel pretty good overall
Well I'm not sure what else I can say today so I will get back to work

Monday

Well yesterday was a hoot. I got to dress up in a character suit and run around. However I didn't get to act like as big a fool as I wanted too. There are so few opportunities in life to do things without being seen by others perceptions of us based on some prejudice. The character suit gives you the chance to be free of some stuff.

Well I had fun and most of the people around me had fun too. I had a strange dream about it too. It's not important but just strange.

I don't know why I hate Mondays -- Boomtown Rats
Oddly usually Mondays are the pits but this one isn't too bad just a Monday.