I'm sitting here now listening to a song which in it's entire play does not have anything with how I feel but there are bits of it that reflect it very well.
No I'm not going to share what that song is because I've learned not to do that. That was part of why I quit blogging everyday. People read things and then they assume they know exactly how you feel about everything. Wrong.
Then there is also this annoy thing that the only acceptable emotion anymore is happy. When did the people from the Happy Global Conglomerate get a strangle hold on the emotional state of the world? I must have missed that memo or e-mail as we don't have memos any more. Which I suppose is a good thing save the trees and all. I am really about saving the trees. However not the point the point is I'm not happy right now. I'm not ready to cut my throat or wrists and I don't need a freaky little pill or some emotionally strained counselor who can't get their own life to work any better to tell me that I need some thing to make me fell OK.
I'm OK I'm working on a plan to change things. my agenda and time frame are not yours and while I may be more in line with the grasshopper from the ant and the grasshopper... I'm at least looking for grains of wheat to put away for winter.
The thing is it's OK to be sad, depressed even, angry and any other emotional state that you want to be in but this manic, plastic, put on, happy all the time crap is for the birds. Which I'm not all happy about unless they are birds of prey they are cool most of the others are just rats with wings who crap on my car and places I want to sit outside. Bad birds go crap on something else. karma is crapping on my life right now and I'm not feeling sorry for myself either I'm just not OK with how and where things are in my life right now.
And if one more persons say you just have to decide to be happy and good things will happen to you. OK you decide to be happy and say that crap too me once more I'll choke the life right out of your smiling face and see if you think that is a good thing because you decided to be happy. Let me be how I feel which right now is not happy.
Unfortunate too that my not happy feeling is around the most plastic happy time of the year. OH I want to puke about a dozen times a day anymore. Yes I'm sick that this holiday has become the corporate orgy that we color red and green.
Everyone says I just hate that I have to buy all this stuff for all of these people ... Guess what you don't have to do it. You can say no and be nice about it but you have a head on your shoulders say no. I'm saying no to some people this year. No I'm sorry I can't, no it's not because I don't like you. I like you fine and when did what I buy for you become the measure of my feelings for you? And if that is the measure you use to determine how much you like a person is directly related to how much they spend on you at this time of year then you are in need of some introspection.
I'm ranting. The above is just how I feel and it not about anyone person. Another reason I stopped writing.
Carly Simon? "You're so vain you probably think this 'blog' is about you"
It's not it is a cathartic thing for me so my head won't explode.
OK, I say that a lot, as I just did the spell check thingy it was in the entry a bunch. I'll have to work on that. Sorry if you hate that word a bit more now. I know I do. There isn't much that can be done about the I appearing so much as this is about me and my thoughts so it will appear with great frequency as it does in yours if you keep a blog, journal etc.
So off to try to find some slumber
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