name it something witty...

I am sort of glad I can’t see inside my head, not in a real what does my brain look like I mean that is interesting and apart from the reason that I know generally what that looks like from seeing the inside of other peoples heads, work related, but more in a metaphorical way.

One of the things that people tell me is that it would be scary inside my head.

How do you imagine what your mind is like? It is all biological and squishy or is it something less real and more I would rather it be like this instead.

You know like a man in a room full of books or a woman which ever makes you more comfortable.

Is it a city, a building, a computer …or perhaps nothing …or you are thinking dear lord you are a very strange person.

I’m not going to tell you about my own other than to say while I know it is just a bunch of squishy gunk with nerve cells and what not that is not how I imagine things in my head.

We all talk to ourselves as we mull things over in our mind, it is a place we go to escape, to fantasize, it is an ever changing landscape of what ever you need it to be.

It amazes me that we all are really the same compounds and elements and chemicals with a bunch of water but there is such diversity in how we work and think.

Regardless of how similar we are, we are always different and the one thing we have that no one can get from you ever is what is in your mind only if you give it to them.

They can try to take it from you by various means, but until you decide to give up that information it’s yours.

I’m sort of preoccupied with some other stuff in my life right now, one I don’t feel like sharing and the other it is probably better that I not share it for a variety of reasons.

And by sort of preoccupied I mean it is hard to keep it from coming back to the forefront of things. So to keep the one thing at bay I focus on the other and then that of course leads me back to the first thing not because they are related things but the first thing effects the ability of the second and while I do have control over both I don’t have control of either.

You know, yeah see that makes it hard to focus some times. I wonder too if anyone gets this at all, not that I think I’m all that complex and I certainly don’t think I’m all that deep and I don’t try to be, I just try to understand things.

The thing that bothers me most is that from an outside looking in perspective it is darker than maybe it is really but I know that perspective is not the inside looking out perspective. I like the latter of inside looking out and I’m not sure what to think about the other… well more to the point I try not to dwell on it. That is when things do get particularly dark, but there is some comfort in that too.

Perhaps I have lingered there once too often

Maybe some doors are just better left closed




Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

WTF Wednesday #19

There are a lot of WTF things going on in my head… many of them I just can’t write about. There are a lot of reasons for that too. I think that is a WTF thing all on it’s own.

We want to be able to express ourselves and an open forum is an open forum. Anyone should be able to say what they want when then want. Take it with a grain of salt, get out of the kitchen if you can’t take the heat, suck it up, put on a pair of big boy pants or big girl panties, stay on the porch if you can’t run with the big dogs… I could cliché you to death but I really don’t want to think that hard about it all.

How able are we to say what we think is necessary to be said, how able are we to vent our frustrations, express our opinions, feelings, thoughts, ideas and emotions in the written forum.

We have because so litigious that, what a person thinks in written form isn’t really all that safe any longer. You are free to say it but it may not be protected any longer.

The machine of information that exists in the world today can blow something up so quickly into something it was not intended to be.

What about the substance of what is being said, as we become more scrutinized by what we say in public and even semi private forums the content is shrinking and the accountability is huge.

Quip mentality … how many characters do you get to sum up your thought a 120?

Oh ok that is plenty to make a valid point

Well in some cases it is, other times it isn’t nearly enough space to say what needs to be said to ensure a clear understanding of the message being delivered.

Unfortunately no one seems to care any more. Lets all get fired up because Bocephus made a dumbass comment trying desperately to cling to that last few minutes of fame he has left in the public genre, yes I know that is so incredibly timely however it does make the point.

Because who the hell really cares what Bocephus thinks about anything really... the people interviewing him did not, he was there to appeal to a demographic, and the demographic he was meant to appeal to didn’t care what the hell came out of his mouth because they agreed with his statement anyway, which was really that he doesn’t agree with the politics of the current president… Shocking

Language is an art form, it can be violent, caring, reassuring, confident, awe inspiring, fear inducing, beautiful, ugly, confusing, bitter, cruel, angry, happy, joyful, celebratory and so many more things

But WTF people if someone tries to make a point that is well thought out some one is going to interject some snarky quip that doesn’t mean a thing and we all bleat along as we disavow, discredit or otherwise ignore what was being said.

Everyday we lap it up from the 4th estate and the entertainment media who are both whores to greed and their own narcissistic endeavors and do not demand more from them.

This whole way of thinking has corrupted every institution of our society. Say what you need to say, but say it well. And if you disagree with what someone has to say how big a deal is it, really?

Oh and if you are a business and you make a product and your product is not a functional product what ever it is, you need to take the bad press to heart and make a better product or get out of that business don’t sue the reporter out of existence because you decided to cut corners in building a substandard what ever the heck and don’t want the bad publicity. Make a better product and people will sing the praises of what eve the heck you’ve made, make a bad one accept that song as well.

Certainly there are things that people say which are unacceptable but most of what we complain about isn’t worth the time it takes to reply to it and most likely it wasn’t said by someone whose opinion makes a difference in what anyone else listening to them already thinks

Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

The Adventures of Invisible Don and Real Life Super Hero Guy

Recently Real Life Super Hero Guy became a dad. Now he is not without some knowledge of how to take care of a child but like all new dads there is a bit of wishful thinking and it’s not as bad as everyone says.

Now either RLSHG is just blowing sunshine or it hasn’t really hit the fan yet because well2 month olds really only sleep eat and poop. 80 percent of the time the smile on their faces is gas, it just is and you know that it is but you convince yourself that it is a smile and that the child loves you.

That child has no more concept of love than a middle school kid who is just going to die if their true love doesn’t call them in the next 5 seconds.

However, RLSHG does seem to be just having the best time ever being a brand new dad.

I do some times lay some reality on him from the sacred halls of been there done that dad

In truth, I have great kids who didn’t cause a lot of stress as children …well you tend to color it differently as you get some distance from it but when you are up at 3 a.m. because your child won’t sleep and the only way he will is to drive him around the block 43 times not 42 or 44 but 43 it isn’t really fun in the moment. However, nostalgia takes over and you really do miss those times, not for the 3 in the morning screaming but that they need you more then than they do when they are older.

Both Doodle and Stunt boy did this one thing and I’m sure a ton of other kids do it too. When ever we had to talk to them when they were small under 4 years, there wasn’t a recognition of son, daughter, boy, girl or any other label we put on them aside from their name which is a label as well but not the point.

Saying who is my big girl, Doodle would reply I’m not a girl I’m Doodle of course she said her real name and not doodle.

Same with Stunt boy, I Stunt Boy not your son. He did shorten it to the most simplest form thought and said I Stunt Boy, but at least he didn’t say Me Stunt boy so he was a more evolved than Tarzan. I miss those days but I’m proud of Doodle and Stunt boy.

And if you are reading this stuff for the very first time I did not really name my kids Doodle and Stunt boy, but I have a really mouthful for the next kid I have, which I’m not sure would get approved on a birth certificate Punk Ass Muther F*cker.

It’s better than that Adolf Hitler kid in New Jersey …true story.

Can you imagine Punk Ass’s first day in school and the teacher looks down and sees the name… Oh so priceless… the kid would know it was him or her, because I think that is a gender neutral name and can go either way. But he or she would know it was them because they would be used to that long silence when some hears or sees their name in print and that look of wondering do I say this aloud or not.

And of course when the teacher decided to acronym it to PAMF I would empower the child to say their name loudly and proudly I’m not PAMF I’m Punk Ass Muther F*cker.

So any ladies out there want to have Punk Ass Muther F*cker for me? I’m a good dad ask anyone and it is the best job I’ve ever had and still have, the pay sucks, the hours are long, I’m always on call but it still makes me smile every day, without fail and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.


Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

one of my pen pals

When I was in the seminary I had a few pen pals. Some of them were people I knew, some of them were people I wanted to know better and another was not like any of the others.

Not that I didn’t want to know this person and I certainly did not know them before we started writing.

What started me on writing this particular person is unclear. I had a list of about 100 names on it with people to write who all had one thing in common… they were in prison.

My prison pen pal…not your average ho-hum run of the mill writing buddy. My particular pen pal was in prison for armed robbery and cocaine. I’m not entirely sure how the cocaine was related other than it was a bad habit he had picked up.

Although I had started this paper conversation without a clear understanding as to why I was doing it, there was something there in those conversations. We wrote back and forth for a bit over two years and about the time I left the seminary is when we stopped writing.

I wonder sometimes what became of this pen pal. Granted he may have been pumping sunshine into the letters about how he had really changed or was it because of where I was in my life at that time that he confided in a seminary student things he would not confess to others.

All in all I don’t know who got more out of the … what ever it was, friendship I think best describes it.

He was a normal guy apart from being in prison. He had a hobby that he truly loved and was a published writer, one article in a magazine devoted to his hobby, but published none the less. He sent me a copy of the magazine it was in and others read his story would not have known it was written by a man who was in prison for a pretty bad thing.

His writing was perhaps his escape from the walls he lived in and couldn’t leave.

His family seemed to be supportive of him as much as they could but I think it bothered him that they didn’t visit and a stranger a whole country away was his only regular mail.

Part of me is curious to find out what happened to this pen pal, part of me is also cautious about finding this pen pal because he was in prison. Not because he would harm me I don’t think that is the case, just that it would shatter the illusion that he did get out and kept on the right path and got a decent job, repaired the relationship with his family and is a welcomed part of gatherings and events.

The harsh reality is that he may also have gotten out met the world who was closed minded and scared of a person who robbed a bank once upon a time, couldn’t find a job, sat in uncomfortable silences in rooms with family and friends who couldn’t find the words to just make small talk with their son, brother, or friend.

Two sides of a coin, it’s Schrödinger's cat without the cat and it’s a person I can choose to believe which ever possibility I want for my friend until I find out the truth and then it is unchangable. You can’t go back to the illusion. I hope my friend was able to keep his promises to himself and change.

I wonder too because I don’t bother to find out what really happened if that makes me a bad friend, but the truth is he hasn’t bothered to look me up in a day and age when almost anyone can be found if they want to be found.

Which is in sense the harsh truth that he didn’t succeed and ended up back where we first started talking but I hold out hope that he did succeed and is happy and not back in prison and maybe someday I’ll be the better friend and send that next letter.

Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015

I think I need more sleep

It’s 6 something or other in the morning and I’m not really awake yet. I know it’s six something in the morning because it is light out as opposed to it being much earlier and being dark out. There is that place then right before you are really awake or on the other end right before you are really asleep you know you are still in control of your thoughts actively but there is that fog where you can slip into dreaming and your awake self is no longer driving and all your suppressed desires and fears get a turn at the wheel.

Mainly this time in the morning is spent in a debate with myself concerning the downfall of western civilization AKA the snooze button

Get up now or in 5 minutes or in 5 minutes or in 5 minutes.

I need to just get up when it goes off but I don’t and it’s not because the world is so dreadful out there but there is a sense of calm there in those waking moments. Before the weight of the day hits you and what must be done to earn the coin of the realm yet another day.

I like that time at night more so than in the morning. The morning is where things can be a bit hurtful in my internal dialogue. I won’t repeat some of the things in those conversations because they are really rather …well less than nice. If you heard me say them to another person you would think I was the biggest ass on the planet and truly deserving of the title King of the Bastards.

Those voices are soon shuffled back to there respective suppressed recesses for the day.

In other news

Doodle was in for her spring break and we did a few things together including seeing the Hunger Games.

I enjoyed it but was not without flaw in my humble opinion … now I am no purest and certainly understand a novel is not a screen play. However some key things were left out, like disenfranchisement, class discrimination, self loathing and many other things. They did touch on tyranny a bit but not to the extent that it should have been.

However with the state of things in the world would a stark portrayal of the book give a film the embodiment of a Katniss Everdeen and spark a class uprising as we the disenfranchised do a bit of comparison to the haves of the Capital to the haves of the world, comparison to the celebrated classes as in district one with certain professions, you will be rewarded so long as you serve as you are instructed. Then the have not’s of the world and those who are self deluded enough to thing that the little they have is really theirs at all and not just on loan until the haves decide they want it for themselves and take it.

At least Lenny didn’t try to be Hendrix like he so often tries


Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

Thank you for reading, please subscribe, you know if you are reading this on blogspot or on diaryland. If you are reading on face book well you are already subscribed. Aren’t you happy.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,





PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don

PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015