Cop a Squat

A friend posted that she is having some issues teaching her son to pee standing up. Which got me to thinking about the topic of standing and peeing again: Why the heck do we men pee standing up anyway? There is no medical reason that we should stand up to void our bladders of fluid waste. In fact, some studies suggest that sitting to urinate may actually be better for the long term health of the prostrate. Why the heck, stand up to pee. The most likely answer, and I did a tiny bit of research on this and there isn’t really a great source to direct you to, it’s just easier. Even back in the loin cloth days just lift the flap out of the way and let go with the golden flow. This doesn’t necessarily mean our primitive ancestors stood up to pee. In all likelihood they probably would crouch to pee, to avoid being visible, standing tall and still where ever, making the person peeing an easy target for an enemy or other predator. While crouching would have possibly provided some concealment from view. If that is the case when did peeing standing up become a thing for men. Certainly we all pee sitting down when we drop a deuce and that is okay, so why not when it is only a number one. Sure sinking wax paper targets or Cheerio’s is lots of fun but this really promotes waving the stream around and causing some spillage which leads to messes and odor. That foul smelling stench coming from public toilets is stale and dried up urine. My guess is the rain has something to do with it. Once we stated living under roof, getting wet in the rain has become less and less fun, and it may not have ever been truly a thing of joy but it may have been. Rain gets a lot of bad press with floods, erosion, and what not. One day back whenever it’s raining a guy has to make with the pee, and the peeing place is all the way over there in the rain. He thinks I can stay warm and dry just by leaning out the door a bit and letting go with the flow. Ta dah, the rain washes away the foul liquid and He didn’t have to slosh off in the cold and wet to the peeing / shitting rock. Which led the women folk to complain they could not just lean out the doors and pee so we have the piss pot or bucket or shit bucket, which then led to streets filled with the contents of piss pots and shit buckets, which led to the plagues or at least contributed to ill health. So then the Romans, perhaps others like the Aztecs, the Persians, and the Chinese, invent indoor plumbing and sewers and the waste goes away unseen and better still un-smelled. Then we forgot about indoor plumbing for a really long time and were back to buckets and pots. Then plumbing again, glorious plumbing. Standing up to pee still doesn’t seem like a natural way to go about it. Socially somehow it has become fixed that men and women are different so we must act as different as possible and in all things so that if you are a man, no one will confuse you with being a woman ever for any reason, ever, never,ever. (you should pronounce that last period, but don’t confuse it with periods because that is not masculine). Same there Then Why not sit to pee. It’s cleaner and if you think you don’t miss the toilet when you pee take a nice white cloth and wipe the outside of your toilet on the sides and on the floor around the toilet and then take a long look, and if you are really brave a deep smell of your perfect aim. Did you vomit? Because just like Sea World the front rows are in the splash zone. That splashing will discolor paint, wall paper, tile, grout and even corrode metal. You know the two bolts that hold the toilet to the floor, yeah those are weaker because you stand and pee. Again it may promote better prostrate health, studies are not conclusive yet though so it’s a maybe there. Doctors, however, do know if you have a healthy prostrate you less likely to have erectile dysfunction and have a better and healthier sex life if you have a sex life that is, because if you don’t have a sex life and it’s just you, well doctors say that is good for the prostrate too, So it’s a win win. Sitting to pee means never having to hear, “who left the seat up” and you can yell back, “it Must have been you honey when you were cleaning. “ You never have to lift the seat ring if you sit to pee. Not that it’s heavy or anything but you won’t have to lift it and if you never have to lift it you won’t ever forget to put it back down. You will never again be blamed for the “water” on the seat again. Did you pee on the seat? Nope wasn’t me must have been the cat. You don’t need the light on if you sit to pee in the middle of the night, which is why leaving the seat down is important and why those who sit to pee will occasionally take a butt dunk when the seat is up. The butt dunk wakes you up all the way up and you turn on the light and then it’s hell. Sit to pee and you’ve avoided this whole mess and fight. It’s more restful and in the rat race world we live in don’t we all just need a place to sit and rest. So sitting to pee means, better health, better sex maybe, less work, more rest, it’s cleaner and it saves electricity and money and promotes healthier interpersonal relationships. (you know less fighting) Sure the Germans may call you a Sitzpinkler, which may or may not be a word in German that means sissy or wimp, but hey haters gonna hate, you be you. Fear of being seen as less manly is really the thing about standing v. sitting, so socially we have decided to act the opposite of women in every way possible to exert our masculinity. So what happens when the business world perfects the stand to pee devices such as “you go girl” and “the P EZ” (pee easy) for women to stand and urinate and the ladies are standing next to you are the urinal in the club. Ladies when this day does come know that there are rules about the restroom. You must leave an empty urinal between each person. Yes, that is correct we only use half of the urinals in the rest room unless it is really busy. You DO NOT speak in the restroom I know it’s a very hard concept to grasp but we don’t talk to each other in the restroom, it isn’t that our mouths won’t work when we hold ourselves there, we just don’t speak to each other with one in our hand…anyway no talking… it speeds things up considerably. Finally, if you have to take the urinal next to someone look forward, straight up or straight down. Never to the side or over the divider wall to check out your neighbor. That is bad. Seriously bad, you may talk when washing your hands, but only at the sinks. I’m sure there is a brochure that will come with the device when they are available that explains the rules. Stand or sit, if you have to go you have to go, we are so bathroom phobic as men we don’t discuss this with anyone and if your significate other catches you sitting and peeing, say you are pooping they will leave the room or if they don’t you can always say, it felt like I had to poop, because we all know the best relationships are built on little lies that protect us as much as the ones we love from who we really are as people. Well, that’s all for now, other stuff to follow most likely Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday Thank you for reading, please subscribe, Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood. Ciao, Invisible Don PS 3 / PS4 Gamer Tag: invisible don Invisible Don PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015 Send me Post Cards … I love Post Cards