shouldah, wouldah, couldah... I've been around a few...

Have you ever had something that you wanted to tell someone so badly that it hurt a bit to keep it inside. Not real physical pain but the growing emotional stuff that fills like a balloon inflating inside your soul.

Bigger and bigger it grows … not that you filth mongers … geesh

The feeling you wanna and I mean wanna and not want to because to wanna is more than want to.

It builds in you like a freight train building speed. There is a lot of tonnage to pull but once it starts moving there isn’t stopping once it gets up to traveling speed.

However, you have to pull the emergency break sometimes rather than let the thing get up to speed. Not for fear of what will come but that letting the speed get up too fast you’ll derail when the tracks make a sharp turn and the turn is there.

You know it’s there and the hazards aren’t just that the track is tricky but avalanche a bridge may be out, fog, heavy traffic crossings and narrow passes that if the load shift you’ll be stuck, steep grades and plummets.

So bad, it is so bad, it’s a bad, bad thing put it out of your head you scream to yourself but then the devil on your shoulder says…

You know you wanna, because it will be so good, oh so, so, so good… like that time … (whisper, whisper) in the stair well … (whisper, whisper)… and she said… (whisper, whisper)… then you…

Shake your head to get the thoughts out of your mind but it doesn’t do any good it’s in there and all you can do is try to ignore the pulling on your arm,

The warm breath on your neck,

The caress of the hands that seem to be in ten places,

The teeth lightly sinking into your neck and the wet lips brushing across your skin, and the smell of perfume wafting up…

No, no, no, …

The balloon is getting bigger,

Can you sit perfectly still and not let her see it in your eyes as you talk to her that you would …

If you could

Unspeakable things

Trying desperately to keep your gaze fixed on her eyes and not reveal…

Don’t let her know…

Look but don’t touch…

Think but never tell…

I’ll surely die if I keep this inside much longer

…keep it together …
Even the flaws are intoxicating …

I know why there are cold showers now.

In other news…

Shoulda learned to play guitar.


That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,