So I'm not your average guy

I noticed today when someone read a thing that the average person does this fill in the blank so much or so often optional specified period of time my answer is I don’t do that that much or I do that way more than that or I’ve never done that.

I suppose it is a good thing to be not so average but reading some of them seems to be that I may be a bit further out in the rye than I thought.

Today’s thing was really only because I choose not to do that thing that it was and not because I couldn’t do that thing. I’m not saying what that thing is because it isn’t related to the point. I could just as easily been any number of things and it wouldn’t have applied to me.

Then later there was a further comment that I am not acceptable by conventional standards. I mention this not to garner any empathy or sympathy or attention just that coincidentally the day I notice one thing not fitting there is an unsolicited response to confirm said thing from a party unaware of the former information.

I see a me in my mind that is a compilation of me as I’ve grown there is a me from every age, stage, event in my life in my mind making my mental self image. I know that my mental self image is not what other people see. Hell I don’t even see my mental self image when I look in the mirror. I will sometimes see photographs of myself and it takes a minute for it to register that is me in that photo.

Some people say that I don’t like myself which is not true, I like the who, I am. I just don’t think that other people like that person. Mostly I don’t care if anyone likes me, mostly.

No one can say they truly do not care what anyone thinks about them. There are those times when you wonder what do we really know about what people think about us.

We know what they tell us they think but is it really what they think? Or is it some version of their thoughts packaged to be the most consumable by you when you ask.

So I’m not normal and I’m ok with that, I less ok with that other people may not be ok with my not being normal or average or what ever.

It feels at times though that the fringe is closer than when I last looked and that people don’t see me. They see past me, through me or that more likely I’m like what ever the visual equivalent is to white noise. You need it to fill in the spaces between things but it isn’t really important.

Of course it may just be the day and that while I’m trying to keep my mind from something it will not allow me to not go there. So much space between then and now and still the lights around doorways in the dark make me leery. Because what you find on the other side isn’t always what you hope.


Well, that’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow most likely

Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday

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