Maybe a surprise to some of you that I actually own a home. Yup I’m really a real grown up. It’s that maturity thing that is a question for debate. However an altogether different subject.
Like many a home owner there are trees on my property. Not a ton of trees but a few. The ones in front are normal and do the normal tree thing the bloom in spring and then vomit in the fall and they do this in unison. They are very orderly trees as all front yard trees should be. Curb appeal people, curb appeal. So they are my good trees. I only know what one of the trees is by species so don’t ask what type of trees, I don’t know.
My not good trees or well behaved trees all live in the back yard. The are the supermodel, the flaming queen, and the recently dubbed Roman. There are several others which are orderly like the ones in front but the three aforementioned trees are a bane.
The Roman behaves normally as far as the leaves coming and going but they are this dried up little leaf that can hide in the grass and is hard to rake up. The Roman also injures and kills things. It has three in thorns all over. I’ve seen dead birds hanging from it’s limbs. Maimed squirrels limping along in the yard.
Stunt boy has even lost more than one kick around balls to the tree. It is truly sad. The Roman is under a death sentence, however the appeals process has not run out yet.
The Flaming Queen.
The flaming queeen is as the name suggests a flamboyant trees the screams look at me, look at me. Well in the only way a tree can scream look at me. In the Spring it greens up really quick, then BLOOMS and thousand million blooms.
Seriously it’s a lot of freaking little flowers. Which are fine on the tree.
However, someone (me) has to rake up after the tree in the spring because of the blooms. Then it just stays green as green can be all spring and summer and fall. Yes it has to wait to turn until all the other trees have turned and shed before it decides to turn. Two colors not one two, Gold and Red with a few stubborn Green ones too. Oddly they are the same colors from that Boy George song.
Now the tree waits for the most inconvenient day to drop it’s leaves. And it won’t do this a little at a time, nope. It has to be all at once. Off course it’s going to rain the day it finally decides to drop leaves then it will snow on top of the leaves so that they are extra wet when you are finally able to rake them up.
The last tree is the Supermodel. The super model is a Magnolia, I don’t know the variety of Magnolia just that is what it is. It is tall, and beautiful and lovely just like a super model.
Also just like a super model, It is also a major pain in the ass. It is constantly dropping shit in the yard aka vomiting all over. It is an ever green but it loosed leaves all year long. Thick waxed leaves that don’t dry out and crumble. Then it has it’s phases the budding phase. It drops off leaves that are in the way of new growth.
Flowering, the flowers open and they are wonderful and the tree is ever so lovely. However there are these little needle things that are at the core of the flower they fall all over the deck and yard. Squirrel like the buds and will chew them off and they are messy little eaters. So there is all that mess in addition to the million and ten little needle things.
Then there are the berries. The squirrels and the birds like these. More mess the berries are not edible for peoples but they are also the seeds.
The seeds grow in pods like a pine cone but bigger and sharp. The pods look like hand grenades. The squirrels are messy, the birds are messier and there are a billion little red berries/seeds all over the place.
Oh the fun isn’t over yet.
The flowers fall off now there petals are like wet paper and are hard to clean up. This is the only thing that degrades well on the Magnolia. All the while leaves are falling off.
Then the pods start to fall off. Thousands of them. The magnolia in my yard is probably 50 feet tall. LOTS of grenades. These nearly got the tree killed by the previous owner. He looked up and one hit him in the eye. He got a chain saw out. Did I mention the pods are sharp too. Not like the Roman’s thorns but not fun to pick up bare handed.
Still leaves are falling.
Then fall comes and the Magnolia’s don’t want to be left out of the autumn tree games so they vomit as much as they can during this time as well. I did initially name the tree the same name as my ex because it was a pain in the ass but I didn’t really think that was fair to the tree. So it’s the super model tree because there are days when I like the tree. Just gee whiz stuff there is junk from the Super Model in the yard now. I raked Saturday.
So if you like Magnolias I hope you like yard work too. And If you are under a Magnolia and you hear something that sounds like pinball over your head.
Cover your head and RUN…the grenades are falling
In other news
I think I have 90% of my Christmas shopping done. I’m not certain though.
Still in other news
Finals are over, now I have to grade all of the papers and figure out the grades. I should have everything up by tomorrow then I’m done with school stuff mostly until January.
Triple-ly in other news
Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday
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That’s all for now other stuff tomorrow, have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.
Ciao,
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