Warning this issue may contain language of a frank and graphic nature which may conjure images which inspire thoughts that may be inappropriate for some readers. There are no images included in the text. Read on at your own risk.
Something I have noticed over the years is women.
Really, invisible don you’ve noticed women?
I have odd as that may sound to some. I even like them, well most of them.
Not the point.
One thing I’ve noticed about women is that they enjoy looking at themselves as much as they like getting noticed. Provided you aren’t a creeper.
Being a creeper largely depends on what you look like and your environment. In one place you may be a creeper and then in another not so much. For example, the worse the surroundings the uglier you can be without being a creeper. This is not the point, it maybe in a later issue.
Over the years however something I’ve keened in on is that when women change their appearance they certainly like it if you notice, again refer above to the creeper clause. You are allowed to notice if you are a creeper you just aren’t allowed to comment or stare.
However the particular change I’m talking about today is new boobs. Not that they are new, new. So much as they are improvements on the existing ones, which is a mouthful to say so they are simply called new boobs. There are a few rules you should know about new boobs.
One. Women will normally tell as many people as they can that they are getting new boobs. I’m not sure I understand this logic but I think it is more so that when the booby fairy arrives and then they pop into work the next time there isn’t a lot of OMG! You got new boobs being announced loudly to everyone around.
This is because women will say, OMG! You got new (insert what ever is new) and then talk endlessly about it.
This forewarning may also be to keep the creeper staring to a minimum. Hmm maybe the issues are related.
Two. Women want to show as many other people, mainly other women, the new boobs as possible.
They will scurry off to a bath room, bedroom or other not in full view of everyone else, then lift their shirts, sweater, disrobe in some manner and show the new ones to nearly any other woman. There are girl creepers too so just because you are of the same gender doesn’t mean you get a back stage pass automatically.
Some guys will be allowed into this show room as well. Gay guys first, then non creepers if their wives or girlfriends approve and are also present these two go together… always. Single straight guys mostly are not on the list. Well not for the unveilings other times are not …well … that isn’t the topic.
Three. In the show room, there will be touching even if you aren’t ready for it. Well mainly if you are a woman. Now that said, I witnessed women with new boobs grab someone else’s hand and place it on their boob. While saying, FEEL IT. Then nod their heads repeatedly, smiling all the while and say, Nice huh… or something to that effect.
Some of you women will deny this occurs but you know it’s true because you have felt up a girl or two with the new boobs willingly or unwillingly.
Four. This is where things turn ugly. The sisterly love ends the further you are removed from the person with the fake boobs. Yeah it’s already there your friend has new boobs, that ‘slut’ or other not so nice name, in the office down the hall has fake ones.
The new ones are fake as well but if they belong to a friend then they get special status it is all in the closeness of the relationship of the two women. If you are a guy and you don’t think rule four matters for guys. All I can say is wrong, wrong, wrong.
This is because you may be asked what you think about this person’s appearance. This is akin to finding a bear trap in the woods. You want it to catch bear not you. Now hopefully you can avoid this and you have no worries. Rule one helps you to know when to make yourself unavailable for comment.
However if you do get caught in the question, you have to know how close a friend is the person asking to the person with the augmentations. If they aren’t friends then it’s safe to say you think it’s a bad idea, however you may never say they look good.
If the two ladies get along it’s better to say I didn’t notice. You may never say they look good.
If they are good friends, you probably should fake an appointment, feign an injury, bite your tongue, stab yourself with a pen… something, anything to avoid answering this question. You many never say they look good.
If the girl with the new boobs asks you must say they look good but look at her face not the new boobs. I know this is difficult it can be done. However don’t get your hopes up guys because in truth the question will be asked in front of you more times than you are asked to look or touch. Our opinion on the matter isn’t really important to women so they don’t asked our opinion about this sort of thing most of the time.
Five. When women talk about boobs they tend to touch their own. Don’t pay attention to this you’ll get caught and then get slapped. If you forget this rule, I’m sorry but I did warn you.
Now you may be asking, why all of the sudden talk about boobs. Well recently someone I know got new boobs. I didn’t think she needed them (see above). I found out because of rule one. Tell as many girls as you can. These girls will in turn tell lots of people. Followed by don’t tell anyone. Ok if you are a guy don’t tell anyone because if you do you will never hear about such a thing ever again. EVER.
I know the person getting the new boobs pretty well and after hearing the news felt sure that the girl would tell me herself. Mainly because I sometimes lack that part of the brain that says maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud. And I’ll be the one saying OMG you got new BOOBS.
Sure enough the next day I hear it directly from the source
Her: Hey guess what
Me: What
Her: I’m getting new boobs.
Me: Yay. And say you look fine now.
Her: Thanks but I want them.
There was other conversation but not about boobs or other bits either.
Well some time later after the surgery I’m talking with the rule one person (the one with out the new boobs)
We are discussing how they will look as neither of us has seen them. I’m trying not to think about it because… well… I’m just trying not to think about it. Then it comes up that she’ll probably show them off. To which the friend says, I’m not sure I want to see them.
Then me being devil’s advocate I say, what if she asks you to touch them.
Then my friend says, well yeah, I’ll touch them.
Then I say, Wait, what? You don’t want to see them but you are willing to feel her up?
Which gets the raised eyebrows, No, Not like that and then she waves her hand at me.
The hand wave is important when talking about touchy subjects, for you guys if you don’t know this means it’s time to change the subject the conversation about this one is over.
Six. New boobs aren’t the only reason women will compare body parts. You will not be invited to most of these things guys. If you pay attention you’ll just see that it is happening all around you. No, you won’t be asked to join in at some point either. You are watching too much porn if you think it does.
In other news…
There isn’t really anything I can say here that is going to matter at this point.
That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow
Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday
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Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.
Ciao,
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Gamer Tag: invisible don
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