Happy Shark Week

Today’s issue in the sometimes amusing and still further adventures of invisible don and in honor of shark week we bring you shark stories. Well only one of them involves a shark and the other two are not shark stories but related shark stories. The first is from a family vacation. We all had gone to Ocean City, Maryland for family fun time. The whole family piled into the family vehicle which I think at the time was a bronze colored Chevy van without any side windows. The parental units were both there and the brothers; the peacemaker and the other one also as well as yours truly. Upon arrival at the beach my brother the peacemaker took his fly fishing rod down to the ocean to catch some fish. I was not going fishing and told him he was wasting his time. My primary interest was sleep and not the ocean. So I fell on the bed and was fast asleep just like goldilocks without the bears or the porridge. To my horror I was awoken to the sight of a somewhat small but very near my face shark gasping for breath. Is it breathing if you pull water through gills to live? Not really breathing is it? What ever you call it, the shark was failing at it because it was not in the water but suspended in the air in the somewhat firm grasp of the peacemaker who was thrusting the unhappy shark toward my face. “Look what I caught, told you I would catch something see what you know”, or something little brothers say when their older brothers are wrong. I was less than thrilled about the shark being poised to literally eat my face off; the shark was less than happy about being waterless, and the peacemaker more than happy to torment us both. Somehow I was able to bounce from one bed to the other bed in the room in a single motion. Almost cat like but I had learned the previous Halloween that I did not possess cat like abilities when I attempted to sleep off a drunk in a tree and failed. So the peacemaker ran back to the ocean to release the traumatized shark and I wandered about on the beach and made a new friend of the female variety and we did nothing shark related. The second shark story was another beach vacation this time post military and in South Carolina. My brother, the other one, was living there at the time and he was trying to teach me to surf. I’m not naturally athletic but I’m not utterly helpless either. I have to practice but eventually I get to where I hold my own. I think I would have been better on a boogie board but the other one said that was for pansies and I wasn’t a pansy so I tried to surf. Paddle out. Watch for a wave. Paddle with the wave. Try to ride in and stand up. Fall. Repeat. Well that went on for a while and I figured I need to master some balance for this to work and get a feel for the board under me on water. So I thought I will just sit on the board and keep from falling off, which is harder to do than it is to say. I practiced this and could sit on the board, complete without falling off and look somewhat convincing that I knew what I was doing. Except that I did not know what I was doing. This must have been less then entertaining for the other one. Who decided that he should swim under me and yank me under the water by my leg, which is exactly what he did. I’m sitting on the board thinking you know I think I have this… now suddenly I’m under the water and being pulled down Holy SH*T I’m getting eaten by a shark. I’m kicking and pulling to get to the surface. I get to the top of the water frantically trying to regain my surfboard and there is the other one bobbing around in the water laughing hysterically. “Thought I was a shark”. Snicker, snicker, hee-hee and he spit water toward me Yes, I did. He swam off before I could drown him, pretty funny today though. Story three does not involve any water or an ocean or a vacation. I was at home one day a couple of years ago and stunt boy my son is playing “Little Big Planet” and I look over and watch for a bit. I see this blue shark looking thing flopping around the map much like a fish out of water. Like the shark in story one except this one is pixels and not a real thing. I ask my son, “Why are you dressed like a shark” His avatar not him. He knew what I meant. Stunt boy says, “I’m not dressed like a shark, I’m dressed like a penguin. I’m wearing a shark hat so it looks like I’m being eaten by a shark.” I say, “Ok” I don’t bother asking why this is so, because at some point previous stunt boy has laid out the logical argument as to why ninjas are better than pirates with a closing argument of pirates being full time drunks and ninja’s always being on task. A few months later though I’m looking in a catalog and I see a shark towel and I think this is perfect. It is a towel with a shark head as a cap to put on your head and the towel part drapes down your back, so it looks like you are being eaten by a shark. MUST HAVE. I order it complete with the story as to why I must have this product to the catalog lady. I gave it to Stunt boy as part of his birthday present and he still games with it on from time to time. Happy Shark Week. Well, that’s all for now, other stuff to follow most likely Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday Thank you for reading, please subscribe, Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood. Ciao, PS 3 Gamer Tag: invisible don PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015