Thoughts in the shower

So while I was in the shower this morning. Get your mind out of the gutter, being invisible there isn’t any thrill it’s like water falling for a while and soap bubbles floating in the air. However my naked state isn’t the point.

I like thinking in there or at least thinking seems to happen better with the steam. So oddly enough I’m thinking about the economy and all of that. Can’t imagine where I got those ideas. The first thing was the Postal Service thinking of cutting out a day of the week for delivery. Which it fine but then again, a lot of other parts of the economy depend on delivery of letters, packages etc. This could cause a spur in other businesses picking up the slack of the postal service. Which could potentially create more havoc or spur more local courier business, which would create more jobs, and all is happy. However, this could end up in a price war upward and who knows where that would end. So my vote is that the postal service should stay open, while this may make them more financially sound I think there are upper level redundancies and misspending that can be cut before a day of service and the loss of employees as well.

Then the whole economic theory of trickle down economics that we still seem to be clinging too as a basis for taxing large business and the upper class. This doesn’t work. Sure it works in theory, lots of things work in theory but the test is in reality it doesn’t work. Because it depends on people making choices that are selfless and for the benefit of the job market and jobs. Greed takes that right out of the picture. Example if you are given the choice to keep a 100 dollars today or spend it and get that 100 returned in a two year period but it will 300 what are you likely to do?

You’re going to keep the 100. Now lets say it’s a million. It’s a million
Ok see it’s easy to see why the theory doesn’t work in reality.

So all these CEO’s have this money keep it or spend it on new jobs, bettering the business. Keep it. In fact there are those things we keep spending money on and it just sits there like retirement lets see if we can’t keep more of that too. YAY GREED. Blow me Gordon Gecko greed is not good.

If large business were in a position were they had to be fiscally responsible and pay a FAIR SHARE of the tax burden instead of pushing on the middle/working class then better choices would be made. Better people would be hired instead of Boards allowing do-nothing CEO’s captain their businesses into oblivion. They would see that they can make much more money in the long term.

What do they all preach to us about investing. Long term is the way to go. Listen to your own advise. The better off your workers are the more money they are going to spend. The safer they feel about their jobs the more likely they will be more productive and find innovative and new ways to do things. Saving money on production and increasing profits.

Lets call it, I don’t know ….. COMMON SENSE THEORY. All the things that you aren’t taxing them for are helping them make more money which under the current system is not being returned. In a sense it is breach of contract. The tax codes were written in the understanding that business would operate thusly and build in accordance with a given idea. Well they don’t so why continue to all them to have a contract that they have no intention of honoring. It’s time to pay the piper. Cut from the top first, demand responsible practices and real measurable results not projections, invest in the future of your employees and they will invest in your future.

Anyway my soap box is now in the corner if anyone else would like to use it. And I’ll continue to sign my checks over on muther’s day to all the muther f’ers I owe money too. But the memo field says greedy corporate scum not my account number.

Yes it’s ultimately not all that productive but it is that final act of defiance before the jaws of doom swallow you whole.





Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

25 Random things

Yes this is one of those social networking site things but I did it anyway because you can make them meaningful if you answer the questions with some thought. This one did appeal to me because it was simple and direct. List 25 things about yourself. Simple enough here you go. read ahead at your your leisure, risk or not at all.

1. I have two children a daughter and a son. I love them both dearly. My daughter doesn't speak to me, but I still love her just as much as if she did and my son and I are doing well.

2. I am a vegetarian, more specifically a lacto/ovo vegetarian. I will eat eggs and dairy products. I don't usually eat eggs though. This is the second time in my life I've been a vegetarian.

3. I love animals but I'm not an activist about them so if you eat the furry little woodland creatures that's fine with me but I've heard their revenge is heart attacks.

4. I have 5 books I'm currently in the middle of reading, I'm like this all of the time and it takes me a while to read a book unless I sit and focus on it.

5. I like one TV show and watch movies as much as I can, I heart my netflix account.

6. I did not grow up in the city where I live.

7. I have had 27 different addresses in the US. My current address is where I have lived the longest in one space of time in my whole life. I've been here for 5 years.

8. I have kept a journal of some kind since I was 16, I've lost most of them and have the ones I started when I was 22 on.

9. I recently quit smoking, I am, as of today, 172 days without cigarettes, I started smoking when I was 12 stealing my grandmother's and father's cigarettes

10. I have three tattoos which I designed and my tattoo artist has work in the new art museum here in Roanoke.

11. I am invisible, not really as in I can be seen and photographed but people don't see me.

12. I found my first love dead from suicide and it haunts my dreams still

13. I like to write, read and draw

14. I have two jobs and have had at least two jobs most of my life.

15. I have lost two houses to other people.

16. I was in a fraternity in college and was the best pledge of my pledge class. Sigma Pi Rocks!

17. I think I'm mildly OCD or ADD most likely it's ADD, I don't take medication for it but I do drink a lot of coffee.

18. I hate to proof read things, so as a result most people who read me think I'm an idiot- I just don't have the attention span to go back again.

19. I graduated with honors from college without reading a single book, not because I'm all that smart but because I went to class every day and took notes.

20. I fell down a shaft and was unconscious for a while, my friends left me there because they thought I was dead . I know this because after waking up and finding them later they told me that they thought I was dead and were freaking out about how they would explain my death was an accident but they ran away anyway.

21. I have precognition dreams but I ignore them

22. I like my full time job, it's stressful and unrewarding and I may only make a difference in peoples lives for 30 days at a time but my current boss makes me want to quit my job or kill myself.

23. I love my part time job teaching. I hope more that I teach people to think and explore rather then memorize and repeat.

24. I think the only people who should discuss religion or politics are those paid to do so, but they shouldn't be the one in charge of running things.

25. I think a good deed is better than a good idea and I try to do this in my life, I'm not perfect and I make a lot of mistakes, I try not to make the same ones but I am a huge procrastinator.

Public Service Announcement

Welcome to the United States of the Afflicted

We welcome you and advise that the only accepted mood here is joyful (insert head tilt pause)

(smile largely straighten head)

If your current mood is something other than joyful please select from the following options
A – move away we don’t want you in our land of denial and deluded society
B – Please feel free to take handfuls of any psychotropic mood elevator to which you will become ruefully dependent but you will remain joyful
C- You may also steal, purchase illegally, lie to physicians to obtain mood elevating medication or pain relieving medication. It’s OK with us as long as your mood doesn’t have a negative impact on the happy joy, joy, time everyone is having.
D- repress your non joy, joy emotions and turn them into some other problem you can also ignore.
E- suicide – please try to do this away from others as not to disturb the happy joy joy mood of everyone and a note explaining that it’s your own pathetic fault and not anyone else’s that you ended your non-joyful life.

So now that we have covered what moods are acceptable and how to effective cope with not acceptable ones let’s move on to greetings (Insert large smile and pause for 29 seconds without saying a word)

Hello is fine in most every occasion including answering the phone. You may insert well wishes to your caller or face to face conversation partner as you deem appropriate for the occasion.

Variations of Hello are also acceptable a few examples are … (turn point to video feed of various persons smiling delivering greetings smile while the video plays and do not look at the video but stare blankly into the camera so the view may see your smile)

HI!
Hey!
Hello, I hope you are having as great a day as I am having.
How are ya!
(smiling headpull back and two index finger point)
Yo!
Sup!

These are but a few of many greeting you may use in person or on the phone and are likely to encounter here in the United States of the Afflicted.

If asked about your well being, as in How are you today?

You may only respond in a positive manner.

Fine,
Ok,
Great, and many others.

The better the level of your well being makes for a better answer.

This ends this public service announcement this is one in a continuing series of helpful announcements for your health, happiness and well being. (Insert Smile) There will be more of these public services announcement made concerning how to enjoy life here in the United States of the Afflicted. Have a Super fantastic day I know I will.!



Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Lost and Found

Lost and found

There are a lot of things I have going on in my head all of the time.
It’s one of my problems I don’t stop thinking ever. I don’t know how people do it just not think of anything and empty their mind. It’s even a problem for me when I attempt to meditate.

Now I don’t do this in a traditional means so you may not realize I’m in the middle of some meditation if you see me. Maybe that’s why I have some trouble in this area. I am able to see things more clearly after my version of meditation and often find the answers or at least a path to go on, which is the point really, right? I think it is who knows I may be wrong which seems to be the case with most things anyway.

So I’m lost but I’m not. At least not at the moment, if any of that makes any sense.

I think I’ve just lost momentum and perhaps I’m in a ritualistic phase where you get bogged down in the process of how rather than moving toward the goal. Which isn’t entirely accurate either, I’m more in first gear of the movement thing and my ritual phase is already coasting in a high gear and is more or less working the way it should be. The motion part is still trying to catch up which it will I just have to give it time.

In other news I have nearly removed my self from the bigger issue and I still don’t see where this is a good idea it’s still on the scale of a googolplex of stupidity. There is a lot of betrayal in there and that is where removing the self from the issue becomes tricky.

Well I see the train is still mustering steam and the steel wheels are spinning on the rails trying to catch even the slightest friction to start moving. Never watch the movie office space when you are in a funk about your job. Yes I know it is a great movie and it has Jennifer Aniston (insert heavenly awe music), and it just is a classic in many ways. However not the thing to watch when you hate your job, it sucks your will to live and makes it harder to not drag malfunctioning equipment to a field and have it beaten to death with ball bats. The train is still there; I’m getting on and seeing if we, Casey Jones and I, can’t get this sucker rolling on down the tracks.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Recapping

No I'm not putting cheap tires on my car.

I sort of dropped out of blogging for a year completely nearly two if you count how unproductive 2007 was in the blogging bit.

So I'm going back and doing a recap for each month from December 2007 until December 2008.

So scan back if you want to read them. They will be brief drive by style entries of the major things going on during that time frame.

I'll also being doing a recap of the major significant event in that time too, being fair and telling my life the good, the bad and the not so good. Even when I'm the one on the low road running and being stupid.

I'm trying to move thing from my other blog to this one as a means to edit my horrid spelling and correct mis-wordings of things but not the content.

the other blog is intact in it's entire form at http://invisibledon.diaryland.com you are more than welcome to visit. It is complete with photos not necessarily of yours truly but some and of a certain swimwear model whom if you know I would like to correspond.

So fingers crossed on that one.

To my friend in DC who is fearing for his life from the falling white death AKA snow the letter went out today so you may have an ID - KotB bumper sticker by the weekend. I know it's almost too exciting. Almost

Have a wonderful day, evening, happy hour and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Disclaimer

Disclaimer

Not that any disclaimers mean much but this is something I feel needs to be said for anyone who may venture to come in and read the contents. I started thinking about this following part of a conversation with a friend last night. My thoughts and the following are not in any way a reflection on the person. Part of the conversation opened a door in my thought process that led to the following realization about my journaling or allowed a new perspective to be seen on what I’ve been writing about looking at it as a whole rather than a group of individual entries.

This is my life in words it is about me and the people I know and interact with in my life. Some more frequently than others and only verbally. Don’t judge the people you know or think you know by what has been written. I’m just a guy trying to figure out my days on this mudball spinning wildly in the universe. You may read the contents and know the people here, you may even be one of the people in here, or think you know the people in here. Not all people act and behave the same with everyone they know. We have different faces we wear at different times, at various functions and are always a shade of the person we call our self. Many people aren’t all that different in their shades of themselves and others are like night and day in their shades.

So if the person I know and you know are the same person and you know a different behavior for that person then you have a different relationship with that person than the one I have. All I can say to that is my experiences are no less real than yours. My experiences are no more right or wrong than yours.

Again I ask that you not judge the people you know or think you know by what has been written or me for that matter but I’m opening myself up for some judgment, critical thoughts, support, and other interaction by standing up and waving a flag of words which say hey this is how I’ve muddled through the good times and the bad times. Hope you enjoy and as the “weepies” sing “the world spins madly on.”


Ciao,

More on the monumentally stupid

I’m still not able to completely wrap my head around the colossal blunder and monumentally tragic thing. There is a chance that I will never understand it.

However from a point of destructive self fulfillment and setting one’s self up for failure it makes perfect sense. The idea that someone will intentionally or even unintentionally do things they know on some level are just not good ideas. Then spend what ever time they are in the middle of that bad choice romanticizing the choice to make it sound like a good one. Keeping it mainly to themselves and defending it ardently to anyone who protests or attacking the protester not the protest. It isn’t a guilty pleasure kind of thing either, this is guilt without defense other then put on being offended or justifying the action by condemnation of the condemners, or finding persons of such weak moral character who approve of the action. Of course they will approve they have no compass to guide them and will do anything to please any one.

I find myself in the group of person’s who can not protest because I will be attacked rather than listened too. Which is sad, no honestly it is beyond sad that someone can be so deluded without actually being insane.

You need help, you need to get away from the same old thing, you need to leave that part of your life in a box beside the dumpster and move on. This is of course a metaphor but still these actions do need to happen and people put into places best left undisturbed. I could myself take a dose of this medicine concerning my own doormat mentality on things. I am trying to as the Hagakure suggests removing the self from the situation and moving on that as a means to understand, act and to advise others.

I will have to meditate on this more before moving forward.

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood,

Ciao,

test

Seriously?

Seriously? That one word really fails to sum up everything but it at least starts the step toward the right word. Seriously? This is one of those times when there really isn't one word that exists or at least that I know which can describe all of it.

If I were a bit more of a wordsmith I would come up with one and it might actually give antidisestablishmentarianism a run for the money on the longest word - which actually for whatever reason doesn't really have that big a mean on the surface of things. So not the point. No wonder I don't get anything done I get distracted far too easily. Oh look a nickle.

Any way as Gandhi said, the journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step. So seriously? Yes the question mark has to be included because it's an inquiry, disbelief, befuddlement, bamboozling, confusing, shock, stupidity on an epic scale, and so many others that it would just become ridiculous to begin to attempt to list them all about just how bad this is in the whole scheme of things. Even from a gestalt perspective if is an mistake on such a grand scale that there just isn't a word for it at all. I think to attempt to explain it would leave out a portion of the grandness.

On a level of mistakes it's like this, Think of the worst choice you have made in your life and this is like seeing the a picture of the grand canyon and this situation is actually seeing the grand canyon.

yes OMG, WTF, and all the other alphabet soup-an-isms rolled into one and then some.

I am still trying to wrap my mind around it all and it would be comical about how bad it is if it weren't also just as sad and tragic on the same scale of largeness.

It is the abyss.

To continue on a common thing

Trying to make sense of all of it. Once upon a time and happily ever after and all the other things that are said and don't mean a bloody thing.

What I feel is real and the pain is almost too much there is a hole inside of me and it's been there for a long time now.

The emptiness is growing and I can't fill it.

I feel more invisible now than I have in a while.

Pop culture references run amuck

Pop culture references run amuck

Today has been a day of pop culture references run amuck. Actually the last few days have been a series of pop culture references run amuck.

I would try to avoid them but they are everywhere.

Oddly enough my life has, in retrospect, been a serious study in really bad cliché things happening to me all the time.

Not to beat a dead horse but come on, Karma lets try for some original material please.

Of course I should really learn to pay attention to my pre cog self a bit more. All this stuff happens and I play it off this is a product of your years of abuse and brow beating.

Maybe that is what Karma is trying to do by being cruel is to make the universe feel a bit more home like.

I can see it now the stars are forming the hand embroidered framed saying

“There is no place like home.”

Well gee thanks Karma didn’t know your middle name was Dorothy or that you were from Kansas.

I guess that is what I get for saying poo-sah to the pre-cog stuff. I always dismiss it, so I know that there isn’t a self fulfillment thing going on here. That is unless it is on a level that I’m not aware that I’m doing it, which is entirely possible.

I will get into the other rant later.

I’ve started a new art project, which I will start to include once I get my camera and computer working together again. And the camera working at all for that matter.


I call it art, Warhol calls it crap; I tell Warhol he is a talent less, pompous @ ! # *& $
He agrees and we part ways


Have a nice day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

Invisible don

Oh, hey invisible don karma here...

Yesterday when I was feeling all hopeful and excited about a brand new day and change in the air.

Karma stands up in fashion and says "oh by the way invisible don our arrangement hasn't change you are still the whipping boy and here is proof." Ring, ring goes the phone, door, and enters the big F U from karma. And karma in true reality TV fashion goes, "tell him what he's won Johnny"

"Well...."

I'll get into it more later because there is a lot I want to say on the matter rather than karma stood up and gave me the finger.

Until later have a super day and play nice in the neighborhood.

Ciao,

invisible don

blankity blank blank on a popsicle stick

Also while in the midst of random thoughts I’ve come back around to my other thing. I don’t like the saying feeling sorry for your self. Mainly because to be honest most people out there in the world don’t give a rats hind parts if you live or die. So if anyone is going to lick your wounds it is going to be you and not the person next to you that you think likes you/ loves you.

The thing is that I learned the peter rabbit principle a long time ago. The hard way for the most part but that isn’t this story. The peter rabbit principle if you aren’t familiar is if you don’t have anything nice to say just don’t say anything. Mainly because it just makes things worse but not for the freakin’ loser waste-oids, no not for them.

Well guess what. Being a nice person is a waste of time.

I’m not going to go into a lot of details because I’m actually to much in the midst of things to not make it a big swearing f word assault

In the midst of my other thing

Was noticing that a lot of Bill's stuff doesn't happen in his native land. It's here and there and everywhere but not under his nose.

hmmm.... not sure if that means anything or not. Just a thought.

Somedays it doesn't ...

Some days it just doesn't pay not to cut your own throat when you wake up in the morning.

The song in my head today

I've had the song, A Brand New Day, in my head since I woke up this morning.

It's an appropriate song that reflects how so many people in this country and perhaps the world are feeling today. I've put the lyrics up in case you aren't familiar with the song


A Brand New Day from the Musical The Wiz

Everybody look around
'Cause there's a reason to rejoice you see
Everybody come out
And let's commence to singing joyfully
Everybody look up
And feel the hope that we've been waiting for

Everybody's glad
Because our silent fear and dread is gone
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness

Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness
Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Patience

Patience

Patience, which is I think the word of the day, week, month and really the next year or so. Patience and perseverance.

I think it is outstanding that so many have hope and want to see change. However, do we in typical American fashion become disillusioned when that change does not happen over night. Some how we have forgotten that it takes dedication and a willingness to work hard at times to get the things we want.

I’ve forgotten that myself.

So remain hopeful, but just don’t hope for change, do something too.

Don’t expect someone else to fix it, pick it up, or correct the problem.

We have a new leader be ready to be lead.

To quote another great leader who inspired many, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but rather what can you do for your country”

Not since the days of JFK has the nation been so hopeful about a new leadership. So ask not what President Obama can do for you, what you can do for President Obama to help him succeed, and in turn help the country to succeed.

In other news…

Stunt-boy is not feeling well today. I am swamped and hopeful too.

Ciao,

Invisible don

MLK day

I remember pulling out the sleeve of the Stevie Wonder LP Songs in the Key of Life on the sleeve was information on how to petition the US Government to make Martin Luther King's birthday a national holiday. (song in my head at the moment is Timbuk 3 national holiday)

I'm sure other artist did the same thing in their album sleeves to promote something to bring about a change in the world. I think we have taken a lot of steps toward things that bring us together as a people who support each other in peace. However there is a long, long, road ahead.

I see the injustices in how we treat one another and try not to do things myself which cause harm but I know I do. Even my own thoughts that I keep to myself are not a one world where everyone is free to everything they want. I know a lot of those ideas are my own feelings about specific people in my life and the same thing done with someone I don't know is fine.

I know that some of the things I have done in my life would cause many people to take pause and judge me - so I keep them to myself.

How much harder it will be to change the hearts of mankind when we have had such a hard time simply just changing how we see each other on the surface. Well I suppose that one has been fought since the beginning.

I wonder what was the first act of kindness one human bestowed upon another. Then the yin and yang of life there was that first act of hate.

I hope today everyone will think of ways to share the kindness within themselves and tomorrow act on that kindness when our nation has a new leader and the world will listen to a new voice from our nation. Then each day just do one thing that is for the betterment of someone else. Maybe we can all have a dream of a better world that can come true in our life time.

You stink pretty

The title really has nothing to do with anything other than it was the quote of the day from yesterday. props to KT for coming up with that one.

Yesterday was a pretty good day ended up going in to work for a bit. (yuck- what I want to know is when did I become a grown up? I'm not liking the idea and refuse - well I'll refuse on my own time but still it's a refusal so from the big chair pthtththth ala edith-anne )

Then went to the Taubman Museum - ah 3 something for a cookie? Hello. When did a cookie become a high priced thing? for 50 cent more I can get a box of them from the girl scouts so I'll do that.

Other than the cookie sticker shock it was a good tour, saw some really interesting pieces and some that I well ... art is art and if it moves you it does. I still think Andy Warhol is a fraud who was ... you know I'm not going to his freakin ghost probably thrives on the talking about him. So dry up and blow away fraud.

I can't pick a favorite photo or painting because there we too many, I did really like the sculpture rise sally rise and the mirror boy was cool even if he is a bit creepy

the adventure continued to the waterheater where we saw the rescue birds from NYC - they were OK - there was one song I really like and I didn't catch the name the rest of it was a lot like a lot of other female bands

Red Clay River also played and they were great. I enjoyed the show

Then it was back to the grown up world of grocery shopping and chores around the house. Went to bed at a reasonable time and got up late because it's the weekend.

I am uber-excited that George W has two more nights and a wake up before he is not the Pres. any longer. Then it will be one more and a wake up. So the day I have to go back to work at the end of that day we will have a new president. This is awesome stuff.

I'm only pretty sure

Ever notice how your current situation, mood, etc makes you more keenly aware of those in the same situation or the exact opposite of your situation.

Sort of Karma's way of saying see you are not alone or to rub your nose in it. See it is just you that can't seem to get it together.

coffee is really good no matter where I am on the slide rule, odd but not really.

I'm only pretty sure ... it's like a knife in my soul. Not the coffee bit something else. No don't run and call anyone. I'm fine sitting here but as I explore things I wonder ...

Then there are the words of truth that I'm hearing and while I'm not physically hurt the stabbing is there. A metaphysical knife, and I'm not sure if that is the correct way to say it, but it feels real so there for it must be real on some level even if I can't see it. Having been stabbed I know what it actually feels like to have the blade enter my body. It doesn't feel like anything that is the odd bit. It goes in and then you look and see oh snap there is a what ever in me that wasn't there before. The removal and the wound are what hurt. That lingers longer than you would think possible.

The point is even if I'm using the wrong word is that I know I don't have any injury that will kill me but it feels like it and if my physical body had the scars of all the things I feel. No one would look at me.

Can't help it

There are some things in life you can't help. For example if you find the melody of Marilyn Manson appealing or if you don't or on the same jaunt Rascal Flatts. I think Phish proved that the lyrics can be appealing depending on the melody that goes along with them because I'm sure a lot of phish fans wouldn't have known about Gin and Juice or those who are rap fans seeing what Steven had to say in Areosmith's Walk this way if Run DMC hadn't borrowed the lyrics.

The point has nothing to do with music it's just a genre people can relate some level of understanding, but the point is we like what we like and love what we love and we can't really say why we like it or love. The same thing can be packaged a different way and we'll loose interest or gain interest depending on if it becomes more appealing or less.

The same goes with people, we love and like who we like and love even if it doesn't make a bit of sense to anyone else.

Pushme Pullme

Pushme Pullme
Yin-yang
Good and evil


Balance even if the first one is really just a llama and a mirror. There is a trick to finding balance or at least creating the illusion of balance. I'm looking for it and maybe I'll find it.

Well Grey's is on and I want to watch so I'm off

IMHSM

Engaged

So after some time of kicking around the back to blogging thing I've gotten to the point were I have to say I'm going to blog. I like to write it makes me happy. I got into writing a journal when I was 16 and I have kept one in one form or another since then. I've lost some, I've burned some, some are just mental notes or thoughts on scraps of paper here and there. I like it, it allows me to say what I feel in the now and it may not be what anyone else thinks or feels but it's me doing me. I can't help or change if anyone who reads this walks away with something different from what I got from the process but if it helps them great, if it doesn't, all I can say is it's more for me but in an unselfish way. If that makes sense.


As to the title no I'm not engaged to anyone ... as the guide says on the cover DON'T PANIC! It's a command as well or a verb to signify the start of something. I start stop start stop etc.... all the time doing various things. So I guess it is the start or restart of the blogging but it's more than that too.

We get caught up in boxes of things or places and get lost in the process of, rather than getting lost in the moment of things. As I was doing a doodle today of stick figures in peril I started putting them into boxes, each box had a specific snippet of life inside. Only one second in the life of the stick person. The entertained, the sad moment, the happy one, the death scene, etc.

We some times get caught in that box where the embarrassing thing has happened, the depressing thing or other event. We can't destroy the boxes but we can escape them so I started putting stick figures in the process of leaving their boxes. One on a zip line, another with a chainsaw, my creative little escapes from the things that are anchoring me here inside my boxes.

I read somewhere that the only prison that can ever hold a person is the one where you control their mind. So many times I do find myself imprisoned by the controls society defines or in the boxes if you will, some of them are built by me. Others that we are bombarded by from every direction and we all start doing the Stepford walk and talk. "It's a rattrap Judy and We've been caught" ** I'm caught too probably more often than some but being aware of the trap is part of the solution the other part is doing.

So to steal a line from the movie platoon, I'm not sure if it was in the book as well, "free the mind and the ass will follow". Know you are not trapped and you won't be. You may not always be able to do the things you want when you want but you can do them. And in the between times let your mind wander a bit, day dream for a few minutes. Look off into space and go somewhere.

You are where your mind is and you can still be anchored to reality and start cutting escape holes and digging tunnels out of the boxes then the next thing you know it's not so bad. Try to get back to the place where playing with the box was as much or more fun than the toy that came inside. I know not a very capitalistic thing to say but that's the point redefine success and happiness in your own terms rather than someone else's. You'll find you are better off for it and if someone says I don't know why you do that, say because it makes me happy. If they don't get it they aren't going to and if they try to change you or say it's dumb they haven't found a way to be happy that goes out side the boxes or they just can't see your path from their box.

Anyway, that's my chainsaw through the wall of the box it may make sense to you or not. It makes sense to me.




** Lyric from the song "Rattrap" by The Boomtown Rats

To blog or not to blog?

While I may from time to time come up with a witty thing to title pages to my blog I am not Bill.

To blog or not to blog that is the question, whether it be nobler to suffer... yeah I'm not going to steal the whole thing and besides I think I got it wrong after the bit everyone knows.

I ask because eventually people will start reading and then no matter what your intent as the writer is the intent that matters is that which is read. So do I say I don't care if people misread me or do I just keep a paper journal and deal with that if and when anyone reads them. Most likely the paper one I keep won't be read until I'm dead and maybe not even then.

Sort of related to the legacy thing. What do we leave behind? what mark do we leave on the world. I'm not sure I will leave any other then my children and if they have grand children.

I'm not really bothered by that though mainly because I won't be around for it and the I'm all right with that too. I guess the whole thing I have the problem with is the whole how to fill the space between now and when I'm dead.

Yeah that's the big struggle for everyone. How to fill the space between. Well I'll let you know if I have any thoughts on that.

Legacy

I was thinking about that whole existential dilemma, life is meaningless and death is inevitable. Meaning nothing we do no matter how significant will protect us from our eventual demise. We attempt ways to cheat death and find immortality but all our efforts fail and we all fall

I was wondering that is all seems rather depressing but why? I think if you accept that you will die and no matter what you do will change that it is a bit more freeing.

What legacy will any of us leave and for myself I was wondering two or three generations down the road will there be any evidence that I lived at all other than perhaps genetic material passed down to my great, great grandchildren who may or may not know I've even lived.

Sunday

Weekend productivity.

Well I wouldn't say I was uber productive or even a bit productive.

Perhaps a we bit productive.

I did find out something about myself and I'm happy and not so happy about what I have discovered. No I will not go into more detail. No don't even ask. No this isn't a ploy to get any one to ask.

I did however already decide on a way to deal with that and I will say I don't have the same profile but I do belive the same things.

In the shower I had an awakening moment too. That one is personal and I can't share.

I'm going to watch a movie now and I'll try to be more exciting later and more informative as well.

Simplicity

Keeping things simple isn't as simple as it seems. Well I'm sure it is if you are socialized to keep things simple. However if you are not socialized that way and the society around you says the way to measure success is to have stuff. Then by not having stuff aren't you making a statement against society.

Anyway I need to simplify things

I also notice that hate spreads much faster than love

I sort of missed my point

So I’ve missed my point, which based on my past writing in other blogs is something I do rather a lot. Jumbled ideas.

So I had several things floating in my head yesterday. One I don’t like people, Two I was tired of hearing about everyone complain about how they weren’t keeping their resolutions, three I need to stop swearing in some settings, four we are indeed heading to hell in a hand basket which was more related to not liking people and five that when does being snarky just become being a disagreeable person.

I think I need to clarify the snarky to disagreeable thing. I guess when you are jobless and snarky no matter what age you are it’s not a good thing. So teens without the job or more to the point the real means to support yourself out of your parent’s home, it is disagreeable and at times rude. So Dane Cook can be snarky you pay him to be, you being snarky to your math teacher is a bad idea.

If you are an unemployed adult with the ability to work and don’t because you don’t want to work you loose the right to be snarky.

With that out of the way, the issue of people. I like people, well some people. As most of you I don’t know a significant amount of the population and can’t say if they are worthy of distain or not. If they are driving in front of me 20 miles an hour slower than the posted limit on dry roads then I don’t like you very much and I am most likely giving you the finger under the sight line of other motorists and muttering swear words under my breath. See they do have place in society. Then I remember that I should be calmer and I breathe and just pray for you to turn to go in a different direction than I am going.

However I am not liking people a lot recently. I know this is because of my job. I get to deal with people who should not be doing the things they are doing. Mostly they know better but they just don’t care. You know if you don’t want kids, don’t fuck. If you want to fuck and don’t want kids use birth control. If you get knocked up and don’t want the kids there are solutions to that. I’m not going to advocate any one over another. My choice is mine and yours is yours. You are free to do which ever you want. Then you can sleep until noon and as long as you can pay your rent or find someone willing to let you lay in their bed and not pay bills then so be it.

The last paragraph leads nicely to my next point when is snarky just disagreeable. I will concede that maybe some of the aforementioned people have some redeeming qualities and don’t need to be shoot on sight but mainly I’m not liking them. But does my saying they are lazy, bottom feeding scum make me a disagreeable person or can my flip comments be seen as snarky rants because I do try to help them even if my heart isn’t in it for them. I’m not a bleeding heart liberal but I’m not a board up my butt conservative either. Mostly these slack ass people do know better but only just. We would have called them JEEP’s in the military Just Educated Enough to Pass. That doesn’t make for very good citizens. It doesn’t make for a very good work force, it doesn’t make for a very good society and the list goes on and on. That’s why I’m not conservative you can’t expect to have a strong society if you don’t invest in the society and by that I mean the people. However, there comes a point where you do know right from wrong and need to be held accountable for your actions. Not everyone is as mentally ill as the APA or counseling association would like to think they are so the can send billable hours to insurance companies or Medicaid. Anyway there is a middle path in there.

That is only part of dislike of people, our own lack of care and greed. Greed is why we driving our selves to the brink of destruction. You don’t need to have 2000 percent profit on everything you sell. Some things sure why not if you can get it, fine but come on people not everything we do is worth 900.00 an hour.

Then the resolutions don’t make them if you don’t intend to keep them and if you don’t keep them I don’t want to hear about it. And I’m not trying to stop cussing as part of a resolution I’m just not trying to swear in certain settings. Which has made me question if I’m snarky or am I a disagreeable person? I think I’m snarky but the use of swears I think at times just makes me seem disagreeable and the use of absolute terms in things too because not all of any person is bad and not all of any person is redeeming.

I’m just me

Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood,

Ciao,

invisible don aka King of Bastards
(bumper stickers available on request)

Resolution-less

Resolution-less

Really what is the point of making a resolution? Most of us are not resolute in anything we say we are going to do. We are a nation of slackers, malcontents and then scratch our heads or more correctly our bloating stomachs or widening sitting muscles and wonder why is it that the rest of the world is passing us by and leaving our high school shenanigans and policies behind.

So if you are reading this why not dash over to the dictionary. You know that dusty book of words under the leg of your table keeping it balanced. Yeah get about a half dozen of your cosmos or gamer guides and replace them for the dictionary and look up resolute. I’ll wait.

I’m trying not to swear as much, not that I don’t think “swears” have there place in our language I believe that they do, however like the green wax isn’t currently acceptable. Am I resolute in this no because I don’t believe that the stick wearing up tight people are correct about certain words self censoring to please others – which I hate myself for but it allows me to keep things I do like. Sell out …perhaps … pragmatic is more to the point. But really my point is that while many of you may be contemplating your failure to keep your resolutions made all of a week ago, most likely in the haste of a drunken stupor … don’t feel so badly you weren’t all that resolute about the change anyway because if you were, your starting point wouldn’t have been January 1 following a night of binge drinking it would have been the first time you told yourself that what you were doing was a problem

I’ve been resolute in one resolution thus far. Not to make resolutions any more. I’ve been resolute in that now for well over 10 years.