Friday I was out for Former Smoking Buddy’s birthday. She has it in the traditional place so if you have ever been to one of her birthday parties then you’ll know where we were, if you have not then you may not know where we were.
HK did not make it and neither did Jonzo. Brand A was there without Head Nod but he was watching their little one so that’s allowed. Jonzo stated he was ill and I’m not sure why HK did not come out. Also absent is the NOB (non official boyfriend).
Also there and not as yet named in the cast were The Cobra Charmer, Sparkle Gaga, The Daliha Gaga, (the gaga are together) the IQ Dummy AKA 50s pin up, and several others who haven’t gotten names and were not key in the events of the evening. But they are there at the parties.
So I arrive early but on time to the place. My waitress, who I’m pretty sure, was the devil helped me out. At first I didn’t think see was the devil herself but just an agent or at least a tour guide. However during the evening if you were looked around for her she wasn’t there but as soon as you said, oh hey I haven’t seen the waitress in a while. POOF she was right there with her black and red hair, silver lip piercing and her ready to please smile. Then she was not to be seen again until summoned.
Also there early was the Cobra Charmer and I know him but he doesn’t really know me. We meet every year at this party. He says, Hi in the same way our waitress the devil says may I get you something else and then flashes his ready to please you smile.
He never remembers our talks and then his smile is, well… you know how sometimes you wonder if someone is thinking something completely different than what they are saying. Yeah, well with him you kinda know he certainly is thinking something much different. Unless of course you bite at the first offers in the hello and I’m sure it’s a much different conversation from that point than any of the one that we have ever had.
The Cobra Charmer moves around in a dancing kind of way that if you’ve ever seen a snake charmer is his sort of movement. Which you know, I’m sure works for him with other people but in truth is the nicest nefarious person you’ll ever meet. From what I can tell he really is a good guy and his motto for sure is, nothing ventured, nothing gained and once he sees that he is fishing in the wrong pond you’re mostly safe but you know the door is always open.
Then Brand A arrived and we caught up and then more people started coming and then Former Smoking buddy arrived for her party. Lots of talking and catching up as the last shindig where all of us were present was in July.
Former Smoking buddy gets a plastic Tierra every year for her birthday. She always wears it and this year she got matching earrings. Sparkle Gaga got to wear the earrings on his nipples, only because they made him after he jokingly mentioned that he wanted to wear them. IQ Dummy AKA the 50’s pinup was the supplier of the crown.
IQ Dummy AKA The 50’s pinup works at the place where consenting players get things to play and was at a place in Vegas for other workers of places that sell things for people who play. These people are business people and most of them don’t talk shop all day long they have families to raise, bills to pay and all the other stuff all of us do.
However in Vegas a meeting of this type wouldn’t seem so far out of place as it would oh lets say any place in Kansas. However some people regardless of their profession talk shop all the time. Well AKA the 50’s Pinup had to remind a coworker of hers of this fact and said let me talk to the bigger people they like normal talk at these things like how are the kids yadda, yadda yadda… not how do you get a zipper unstuck on a gimp mask and doing lines of cocaine on someone’s clit. Yeah it was said, out loud too. It wasn’t the strangest thing said during the evening either.
However at this point I know I’m not probably but really and truly am the nerdiest kid on the block today. Then the Devil shows up, ‘Get you another sir?’ Oh sure why not the conversations is headed that direction anyway might as well enjoy the ride.
So fun stories of the night include, NOB might be more than one person in a single body, Less than zero and the incest pick up and the boy girls getting all box of jazzed about the juke box.
I don’t know NOB but he may be more than one person. I really don’t know more than that now but maybe someday. This was certainly one of those you had to be there conversation. I’m not sure I really understand it all and I was there.
The incest pick up story is common enough, you meet someone you start talking and then somewhere along the lines you get the feeling that you might be related to the person. Now the normal person says WHOA, back up we need to confirm this and not do anything else. OK see ya bye
Nope former smoking buddy was talking to someone, not any of the NOB, a whole other person. Less than Zero walks up starts taking and then says his name pretty early in the conversation. To which Former Smoking Buddy says, We might be related, To which Less Than Zero says, is that a problem? Ah … WTF? Yes, it certainly is and now even if we are not related if you think dating family is ok maybe you should move to Arkansas.
The boy girls at the juke box was just two guys with girl voices getting all OMG at the juke box jumping up and down while holding hands when they discovered Liza on the Juke Box, Ok don’t know what they discovered Liza on the juke box but it surely wasn’t speed metal based on their reaction. Maybe this is also one of those you had to be there kind of thing to truly appreciate it sort of thing...yeah…well, moving on then.
Then the conversation turned to Roanoke being compared to a black hole slash a 1984 Big Brother slash Stepford Wives slash any really freaking 50s Sci fi movie sort of place.
You know you don’t want to be here but you can’t seem to find a way to escape and the longer you stay the more you become one of them and forget about the rest of the world and just accept that this is all there is and it get deeper. Because the longer you are here the less of Roanoke you actually do into. Mainly people in Roanoke know a quarter of the city and the down town. No where else. They don’t even go anywhere else in the city except the malls.
Ask any life time residence if they have ever been to some place in another quadrant and they will look at you as if you’ve said, so have you tried the salad bar in hell I hear it’s nice. And then say something to let you know they don’t want to talk about that part of town any more EVER. If you haven’t guessed I’m not from here. I go anywhere in the city but I have a sneaky feeling I’m becoming ONE OF THEM… shudder. Actually I’ve lived here longer than anywhere else in my life. I do go other places besides my sector though. Which gets me a lot of do we know you looks complete with raised eyebrow.
The Star is the big beacon that draws everyone back here. Seriously ask any one who lives in Roanoke about the Star and they will look at you with that ready to please and say in an eager tone, ‘Have you been to the STAR?’ The whole time looking at you with their eyes all wide and smiling at you and then will automatically offer to take you if you haven’t been. It’s like a creepy 50s movie and you are bathed in the transformer rays of the STAR into a Roanoke Person.
I know strange huh, ask about it though. I’ve been to the STAR but really only when I first came here when I started dating THE EX and now only when new people come to town….ARGH… I am one of them…Let me go kill myself a little bit.
Ok I’m better now.
So moving on the birthday party was two parts, Part one in Cuba and Part two was the Pie Tasters at another place. So now it’s time to go to Part Two which involves getting the tabs paid, and POOF the devil appears with her pierced and eager smile and lilt come again.
So we get to the other place and the gaggle of smokers is outside as you can not smoke in this club but you can in Cuba, I forget to mention you could in the other place and everyone but Brand A and I smoke. I used to I don’t think Brand A ever has smoked. I would have been out there with all the others but not no more and good thing too because it was cold. As in wow I’m glad I wore a jacket it is cold out.
The Pie Tasters are a SKA band if you know SKA you know it, if you don’t think Madness and very early No Doubt. Mostly the crowd didn’t look like a SKA crowd but more of a pompous, I’m better than you sort of assholish sort of crowd. I was soon to find out drunken was also an adjective which would be helpful.
Lite T was one of the bouncers, I say Lite T because I think in his head he looks more like Mr. T than he does actually. I think the Red Mohawk throws it into the Lite category along with the absent hundred pounds of bling and lastly the not so muscled structure.
Now Lite T was certainly able to bench a buck fifty but that’s gonna be tops. His helper No Neck Magee could curl Lite T with the buck fifty and drink a beer with the other hand. So I’m not sure why Lite T was there except maybe to take the punches so that No Neck Magee could grab you and crush you while you were distracted by the Red Mohawk.
Lite T was all about enforcing the 12 inches from the stages line to which every girl on the front row said, so the length of my cock right. Yes, five girls said it. Le sigh. Girls have such potty mouths these days. One of cock girls had on a mini dress and a rock the size of a walnut. Her husband did everything she said to do except talk. I didn’t hear him utter a peep the whole night.
Now onto the Drunken players there was the Drunken BBC with hair. He seriously looked like the BBC with hair except that he was falling down drunk. Literally I had to pick him up off the floor a couple of times to keep him from being stepped upon and wallowing on a bar floor is just gross. Trust me I’ve cleaned them before it isn’t pretty.
Drunken Mosh girl is next and she was a whole ass, seriously if you are the only one moshing at the dance you should probably not be moshing. SKA is more of an up and down fun sort of feel not an angry toss your elbows and bang off of people sort of crowd. There is nothing wrong with a good mosh, I know I’ve been in the pit a time or two boots and all. Now Drunken Mosh girl got popped by Former Smoking buddy and the mini dress. Former Smoking Buddy got pushed by Drunken Mosh Girl and if looks could kill she would have died but Former smoking buddy just she tossed her back into the waiting arms of the idiot guy she was with. Then Mini Dress punched her because Drunken Mosh girl grabbed her rack. Mini Dress’s husband held her beer while she readjusted.
At this point Lite T finally pulled drunken Mosh Girl out of the bar. While her idiot boy made faces behind Lite T. I’m thinking your date is being escorted out and you are going neener, neener to the bouncer. Hmmm, did you play with plastic bags on your head or were you other wise oxygen deprived for a long periods as a child.
Next up was the Drunken Rabbi, I’m not sure why he wanted to talk to me and I’m pretty sure he was hitting on me. I’m not sure why but this was sort of the theme of the night.
The Drunken BBC was not to be out done though on the drunken scale. Wanna be Cooler Guy with Hat, had his long term girl with him. You could tell they were long term and lived together because she stayed there. If she had lived else where or even drove her own car she would have left his drunken Hat there. Only because she knew he was only going to be at the same place she was sleeping later and the only thing keeping her here was gravity. Wanna be Cooler Guy with Hat didn’t realize that Gravity Girl was highly pissed off. He kept trying to make out with her and she kept knocking him down. Gravity Girl may have weighed a buck maybe. Wanna Be Cooler Guy with Hat had a good fifty pounds and a scraggly beard and probably ten gallons of PBR in him. At one point I was worried about being in the splash zone of Wanna be Cooler Guy with Hat and the BBC with hair.
So at some point Blondie Locks starts talking to me about who was drunker, The Rabbi, The BBC with Hair or Wanna Be Cooler Guy with Hat she was also worried about the splash zone thing and we had plan that if one looked as if they were about to blow we would turn them away from the other of us. It’s really hard to watch three drunks on your own. Blonide Locks was with I’m going to hold the wall up at the table and not having a good time guy. I was relatively close to the stage and in easy reach of the bar if need be.
We Blondie Locks and I, discussed how it was that The BBC with Hair had a date who was more into the band and I think in particular the bassist and we know that he didn’t really know she was up within Lite T’s Zone of protection.
Then Mini Dress also got in on the betting of who would spew but I think her money was on Wanna Be Cooler Guy with Hat. While mine was one the BBC with hair. Blondie Locks didn’t pick a favorite but had odds that the BBC with Hair wasn’t 21. I certainly thought they all might blow at one point or other
I noticed was that once mini dress and blondie locks started hanging around where I was standing the Drunken Rabbi disappeared that is until last call, now I’m really pretty sure he was hitting on me. All and all it was a good time. I lost Former Smoking Buddy, AKA 50s Pin up and Mr. and Ms Gaga at the end of the night. They had gone out to smoke and I didn’t see them come back and then went out to look for them but couldn’t find them and then last call had been rang so there was no going back in even with a stamp. And all the better too I was able to avoid the whole confirmation of the Drunken Rabbis plan I just left.
Very good party, the people watching was great fun. Happy Birthday to Former Smoking Buddy.
That’s all for now, other stuff tomorrow
Happy Birthday if it’s your birthday and a very merry un birthday if it isn’t your birthday
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Have a great day and play nice in the neighborhood.
Ciao,
Listening to: The White Stripes – Rag and Bone and The Violent Femmes
Gamer Tag: invisible don
PO Box 4425 Roanoke VA 24015
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